Thursday, July 5, 2012
Does Hard Work Justify Existence?
Quote from Abraham
Most people have a hard time delegating, or even wanting to delegate, because you have been justifying your existence through your hard work, and you equate success with struggle; you equate results with struggle. And so, you sort of wear your struggle like a badge of honor. And all of that is opposite of allowing the Well-being. The only thing that ever matters in success or achievement is your achieving the things that you want to achieve. So if you are setting standards and you're feeling uncomfortable about the standards that you've set, tweak the standards back a little bit. Ratchet it back a notch. Give yourself a break. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Lighten up. Be easier. Go slower. Take it easy. Have more fun. Love yourself more. Laugh more. Appreciate more. All is well. You can't get it wrong. You never get it done.
--- Abraham
Moving On Without Forgiveness
Process of Illumination Journal
July 3, 2012
July 3, 2012
As the birthday of a particular close family member approaches, I am faced with a painful dilemma. In past years, because we share a close bond but are separated by distance, I would have called with good wishes and excitement for the excuse to chat.
This year, however, I’m not sure what to do.
What is troubling me is that, due to a falling out we had in early 2011, it seems that this person has chosen to write me off. She has not actually said this to me, but since I have not heard from her in over a year, I think its a safe assumption.
The stress on our relationship came in the wake of a tragic event in her life in which she felt I did not support her in the way she needed me to. At the height of her crisis, I tried to be there for her as best I could, given that we live at opposite ends of the country. We spoke every day, sometimes several times a day, but there came a time when I was up north with no phone charger and I could not be reached. I had told her I would call her but I wasn’t able to. She had been trying to contact me for two days.
It makes sense to me that she would have become very upset not being able to reach me. I was one of her lifelines at a time when her entire world was falling apart. I imagine she must have felt scared, hurt, alone and abandoned and I feel terrible thinking of what she must have gone through. When I returned to the city and was unable to find her for a few more days I became quite alarmed and concerned for her well being, but when we finally spoke, she told me how upsetting it was to not be able to reach me. I did my best to apologize to her but at the same time, I needed her to understand that it was never my intention to hurt her. I hoped she would be able to see that it was an unfortunate circumstance and recognize that I tried to reconnect as soon as I could. We discussed it off and on for the next few weeks and I thought we had come to a mutual understanding. But, in the months that followed, she replied to my inquiries less and less and eventually, around April of last year, she stopped responding altogether. I still messaged her a birthday greeting in July, hoping she would be more receptive, but she did not respond and since then, I have not reached out any further.
Now, before you come to any conclusions, I should add that this person has been one of the most supportive people in my life. When I was going through my divorce (one of the worst periods of my life), she was unwaivering in her dedication to me and helped to get me through some unbelievably tough times. She was relentless when it came to checking in when she was worried about me and she was encouraging, comforting and incredibly resourceful. I am eternally grateful to her and when her world fell apart, I wanted to be there for her, as she was for me. I really thought I was doing that, which makes it so much harder for me to come to terms with what has happened between us.
I guess I am writing this, in part, because I’m angry. I’m angry at myself for not handling this issue better. I should know better. I should BE better. But I’m also angry at her for her extreme and final reaction to it. It seems so out of proportion to me and so unfair. I have the ability to see many sides of any issue and I am constantly making sure that I put myself in others’ shoes before I make up my mind about any situation. I find it really hard to relate to people who can’t understand the complexity of an issue and the importance of seeing things from another perspective. And so, true to form, that’s another reason that I’m writing this. To gain further clarity about what lessons are in this for me that I have not considered.
What else could I have done to repair the rift in the early days? Should I have kept calling and texting her even though she told me repeatedly she didn’t want to talk about it? When I am hurting, I often withdraw into my own process, not wanting to be bothered but I resurface eventually and, when I do, I try not to blame others for misinterpreting or not knowing how to handle my moods. I try to take responsibility for my own feelings, even if they are provoked by external influences and I hold myself accountable for being honest and addressing any issues with others that are causing me to have residual negative feelings. If she had unresolved issues with me, it was up to her to address them with me directly. I am not making excuses, but that is how I justified my decision to step back at the time. I don’t know how my retreat was interpreted by her because I was given no opportunity for any further dialogue.
Perhaps I was being stubborn (Maybe I still am) and maybe I should have risen above my own feelings at the time (maybe I still should), but I guess have been hurt, too, and I’m trying to protect myself from the shame of being rebuffed again. However, I am a firm believer that our mistakes are what teach us how to do better next time and I sincerely hope that I will be able to grow as a result of this experience. Sadly, the chance to heal this relationship may have already passed without me realizing it. And that is a painful truth to live with.
So the question is:
How does one move on without the forgiveness of another?
As many of you know, I believe that the key to healing relationships is through restoring connection and, to do this, the individuals must be willing to stay open, vulnerable and create ongoing opportunities for dialogue. When the opportunity for dialogue is not offered, however, there is very little one or both people can do to regain a safe connection. The longer the silence, the further away they drift. What’s left is two people, each with their own feelings of pain and no safe place in which to be heard. And what happens then? How do they move on?
For now, all I know is this: Based on the information I have, there is nothing that I am prepared to do that I have not done already. She may feel that there is more for me to do to redeem myself, or she may feel it is best for her to have me out of her life but I have nothing to go on except silence. I see no way of moving forward together unless we are both willing to talk about it within a safe, structured dialogue.
Either way, her forgiveness is not in my control. Without a clear understanding of what it is that needs to be addressed, I must accept the silence for what it is and grieve the relationship. Continuing to carry the burden of her disappointment is not the answer. If it were, this would have been resolved by now. I have to let it go, keep an open heart and surrender.
The bottom line is what I have known all along. That the only forgiveness that really matters is that which we give to ourselves. Forgiveness is not “for” anyone but the forgiver. It is a gift that we bestow upon ourselves in order to release us from the burden of blame toward ourselves or another.
In this case, I have done much soul searching and have looked at what happened from every angle I can think of. I am able to admit that I made some choices that may have been interpreted as hurtful, and if it were in my power to take that pain away, I would. But I also know what is in my heart and what my truth is. I care very deeply for this person and I want the best for her, yet I failed her somehow. I was not able to give her what she needed. Maybe I didn’t understand what she needed. Maybe I underestimated her needs. I am flawed, as we all are, and I have regrets for the mistakes I have made that have hurt others. However, given another opportunity, I am not sure that I could have done it any differently under the circumstances. Maybe I would today and maybe I wouldn’t. I was trusting my judgement then, and I would do the same today. What more can any of us do? We can’t be different than we are, no matter how much someone else needs us to be. Had I known then what I know now, I may have been able to avoid these consequences but I didn’t. It took an experience like this to educate me. I can’t turn back the clock. I can only move forward with new information and continue to trust myself, knowing that I am doing the best I can.
For those reasons, I am learning to be at peace with my decisions.
I am moving toward forgiving myself.
And yet, that doesn’t resolve things, does it? There is still another person in this equation who has made a choice based on what she feels is right. And even though I’m hurt, how can I blame her? Her experience and the feelings that came as a result of it are valid. So, I must forgive her, too, and trust that, if a resolution is in our highest good, it will happen some day.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Today's Miracle
Today’s Miracle
November 22, 2011
Today my client, after a session where she seemed quite distracted, told me, with tears in her eyes, that my mother had been in the session with us the entire time and she did not know whether she could/should tell me or not. She said my mother’s energy was very strong and she was very loud, asking my client over and over to please tell me that she was here and that she is sorry. She also asked her to tell me that “they” are always with me.
It will be the 8th anniversary of my mom’s death this weekend.
I am sitting here in my office now, feeling sort of numb. I know what I think this means and yet I’m not really sure what to think. The message was so simple and so I feel there must be more. But, even though “I am sorry” is a simple statement, it is also loaded with opportunities for interpretation. Is she sorry for the part she played in the issues I have been facing these past weeks? Or is it something more complex than that? And, if there is more to this message, maybe the understanding of what it means is yet to come. And maybe this is simply just another confirmation that I am in the right place, for now. Things lining up. Channels opening. Or maybe there is an urgency for this message to be heard now. Certainly my mom could have come into any previous session with this client, as I have been seeing her for several years now. I don’t know for sure, but what I do know is that it happened for a reason.
After my client left, I stood in my office and tried to feel my mother’s energy, but I couldn’t. I looked around to see if something caught my attention - a sign or a symbol or an intuitive sense about something I could do to connect, but nothing did. I spoke out loud to my mother asking for clarity about this message, but there was none.
It was just a gift in that moment, to be used as I see fit, I guess.
There have been so many remarkable occurrences since 11/11/11 that I am convinced that the gateway I passed through in my meditation at 11:11 on 11/11/11 really did lead me to a new vibration. I’m not the same person I was 11 days ago. I’m not making the same choices or telling the same story. And yes, crazy as it sounds, it was precisely 11 days from the time of my meditation at 11:11 on 11/11/11 to the time my client shared this information with me, sometime after 11:00 on 11/22/11.
If the one thing I have been asking the universe to help me with is to let go of my resistance, perhaps these occurrences are the evidence that this process is underway. If I am finally allowing myself to break through the barriers that have held me apart from my true “self”, then all of these things make sense. I am finding the courage to set limits and break old cycles. I have experienced the power and the ecstasy of opening my heart and releasing all that I have been holding on to. I am literally finding my voice and I’m able to listen and enjoy what I hear. I am able to recognize that the answers to the questions I seek are within me. I can accept that my “self” can remain present and need not disappear based on the feelings, the needs or the decisions of another. And I have been given a message from my mother that I never even imagined I needed to hear.
And, just like that, gratitude and forgiveness have replaced fear and doubt.
If that isn’t a miracle, I’m not sure what is.
Monday, February 7, 2011
"Solo" doesn't have to mean "Alone"
SUDDENLY SOLO: A NETWORK OF NEWLY INDEPENDENT WOMEN
I know what it's like to live through a very traumatic divorce. During that time in my life, it became painfully clear to me that the support and resources available to women and their children are very hard to find and, even then, they lack the understanding and compassion that can only come from those who have gone through it themselves. I often felt alone, inadequate and, at times, unable to trust my own judgement. I desperately needed a support network that went beyond that of my well-meaning family and whatever friends I had that weren't too uncomfortable to talk to me. I knew very few people who could relate to what I was going through. I needed emotional, mental, physical, financial, legal and even spiritual support and yet I was too overwhelmed to find out how and where to get it.
Living through Separation and Divorce can feel as if you are on a runaway train that will take you to places you never imagined, nor ever intended to go. That is why I created Suddenly Solo, because I believe that women need a place where they can get the help they need, regain control of the process and, more importantly, their lives. Being newly independent can be a scary feeling, but Suddenly Solo offers women and their children a comforting and empowering alternative with unique social networking and events, emotional support from professionals and peers and practical support and guidance in the form of workshops, lectures,and resources.
I know what it's like to live through a very traumatic divorce. During that time in my life, it became painfully clear to me that the support and resources available to women and their children are very hard to find and, even then, they lack the understanding and compassion that can only come from those who have gone through it themselves. I often felt alone, inadequate and, at times, unable to trust my own judgement. I desperately needed a support network that went beyond that of my well-meaning family and whatever friends I had that weren't too uncomfortable to talk to me. I knew very few people who could relate to what I was going through. I needed emotional, mental, physical, financial, legal and even spiritual support and yet I was too overwhelmed to find out how and where to get it.
Living through Separation and Divorce can feel as if you are on a runaway train that will take you to places you never imagined, nor ever intended to go. That is why I created Suddenly Solo, because I believe that women need a place where they can get the help they need, regain control of the process and, more importantly, their lives. Being newly independent can be a scary feeling, but Suddenly Solo offers women and their children a comforting and empowering alternative with unique social networking and events, emotional support from professionals and peers and practical support and guidance in the form of workshops, lectures,and resources.
Separation & Divorce Counselling
Navigating through the upheaval of a divorce is overwhelming at the best of times and, more often than not, we can find ourselves sucked into an emotional, mental, physical, financial and even spiritual abyss.
Without proper support or a framework of values to work within, before you know it, the process can take on a life of its own and you can find yourself feeling as if you are no longer in control of your life and its outcome. Regardless of the circumstances, this is one of the most painful and difficult experiences you and your family will ever endure and, no matter how strong you are, you will need a steady supply of ongoing support and encouragement. Family and friends are well meaning, but they often lack the skills necessary to assist us effectively and, real or imagined, we can find ourselves feeling alienated from those we once relied on and for reasons that seem unfair or inexplicable. That is why it is most important to seek help as soon as, and, if possible, even before you have made the decision to separate. A compassionate therapist with experience in separation and divorce is an invaluable partner in helping you develop your vision for the future and stay true to your values and principles along the way. In addition, if you are planning to or have already entered into the legal system, this can add even more complex issues and decisions into the mix. Even the most compassionate and experienced legal professional is not a skilled therapist and entering into the legal process too early or without adequate information or emotional support can be a painful, slow, expensive and often unnecessary way to learn how the system works and what your options are.
The service I offer to indivuals, couples and families is multi-faceted in its approach. My greatest wish is that I meet you early enough in the process so that I can assist you in examining all of your options in a clear and honest way. Leaving a relationship or a marriage is a decision that is often influenced by hidden factors as well as obvious ones, and I feel it is crucial to have as much information as possible and to understand that this decision will effect the rest of your life in ways that you might not have considered.
In the event that a separation is unavoidable, I will then help you and, if possible, your spouse, get a very real picture of what to expect. Together, we will identify your goals and create a vision based on your individual and collective needs, values and priorities. We will address the emotional and practical issues associated with your unique set of circumstances and design a framework that will address all relevant issues such as creating and adjusting to new relationship boundaries, expectations, financial concerns, living arrangements, how/when to tell the kids and others, co-parenting arrangements, property, friends and family, choosing a legal process and more.
It is my belief that, with ongoing emotional support and a rational, disciplined and value-oriented approach to separation and divorce, couples and families can dramatically reduce the duration and long term effects of this traumatic experience.
Without proper support or a framework of values to work within, before you know it, the process can take on a life of its own and you can find yourself feeling as if you are no longer in control of your life and its outcome. Regardless of the circumstances, this is one of the most painful and difficult experiences you and your family will ever endure and, no matter how strong you are, you will need a steady supply of ongoing support and encouragement. Family and friends are well meaning, but they often lack the skills necessary to assist us effectively and, real or imagined, we can find ourselves feeling alienated from those we once relied on and for reasons that seem unfair or inexplicable. That is why it is most important to seek help as soon as, and, if possible, even before you have made the decision to separate. A compassionate therapist with experience in separation and divorce is an invaluable partner in helping you develop your vision for the future and stay true to your values and principles along the way. In addition, if you are planning to or have already entered into the legal system, this can add even more complex issues and decisions into the mix. Even the most compassionate and experienced legal professional is not a skilled therapist and entering into the legal process too early or without adequate information or emotional support can be a painful, slow, expensive and often unnecessary way to learn how the system works and what your options are.
The service I offer to indivuals, couples and families is multi-faceted in its approach. My greatest wish is that I meet you early enough in the process so that I can assist you in examining all of your options in a clear and honest way. Leaving a relationship or a marriage is a decision that is often influenced by hidden factors as well as obvious ones, and I feel it is crucial to have as much information as possible and to understand that this decision will effect the rest of your life in ways that you might not have considered.
In the event that a separation is unavoidable, I will then help you and, if possible, your spouse, get a very real picture of what to expect. Together, we will identify your goals and create a vision based on your individual and collective needs, values and priorities. We will address the emotional and practical issues associated with your unique set of circumstances and design a framework that will address all relevant issues such as creating and adjusting to new relationship boundaries, expectations, financial concerns, living arrangements, how/when to tell the kids and others, co-parenting arrangements, property, friends and family, choosing a legal process and more.
It is my belief that, with ongoing emotional support and a rational, disciplined and value-oriented approach to separation and divorce, couples and families can dramatically reduce the duration and long term effects of this traumatic experience.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Fear
“I’m so afraid. Please, god help me. I fear I’ve made some terrible mistakes and that I am somehow heading for a disaster of huge proportions.”
Believe it or not, these are the first few lines of a recent journal entry of mine. When I wrote this, I was battling an episode of fear that was so crippling, I could not go 5 minutes without feeling intense panic and a sense of doom. Given my reputation for optimism and my ability to find learning in every challenging experience, many might find it hard to believe that I would be capable of going to such a dark place. Thankfully, I can recall only a few times that I have felt like that in my life, but nevertheless, under certain circumstances I have found myself in the grip of a fear so unbearable, it made me question my worth, my choices and everything I believe in.
If I were to explain how I got to that place, I would have to say that it seems to be set off when I perceive that there is some threat to my ability to meet the basic human needs of my family (food, shelter, etc.). This must be a very deep core issue for me because, In almost any other situation, I am a pillar of strength and yet when this issue is triggered, I somehow develop an irrational fear-based thought process around it.
If you have ever felt this kind of fear, and I’m guessing most of us have at some point in our lives, it is important to understand that, even though we do not want to encourage fearful thoughts, we must also recognize that when these “dark nights of the soul” do happen, they are a necessary part of our process of self discovery. In my case, even though I felt quite powerless at the time, there was still a part of me that was able to view myself and my thoughts objectively and try to assess what was going on for me emotionally. But I was still caught in a “thought loop” because there were very real circumstances that needed to be dealt with and I had no idea how to fix the problem. Every time I succeeded in distracting myself from the negative thoughts, the reality of the situation would become obvious, once again, and I was sucked back into the pit of desperation.
Over two weeks passed before I was finally able to regain my power and change my thoughts, but my rational mind was reminding me all along that the more I allowed myself to indulge the fearful thoughts, the more I was reinforcing them and giving them power. I knew I was attracting more of what I did not want, and because I was able to recognize this, it gave me the strength I needed to keep trying over and over to reject the fearful thoughts and eventually come up with a plan to banish them entirely. And this is really the key here. The reality of the situation has not changed but my perception of it has. I can now think the same thoughts that would have made me panic a week ago and still feel calm and in control.
It is remarkable. I would even say it’s a miracle!
“Please help me. I need a miracle. Show me the way. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to be in the dark anymore. Please help me find the light and stay there”
So, what changed?
Well, first, I wrote that journal entry which ended up consisting of over 2,000 words by the time I was done. That was on a morning when I woke up and the panic started the moment I opened my eyes. I knew I could not get through the day unless I did something and the only thing I could think of was to write. I was hoping it would purge the feelings and make me cry. I needed to cry so badly but I had not been able to for weeks.
“I wish I could cry and unlock all of this terror, but I can only seem to manage a few stray tears that leak out. What I feel inside is like a dam that is ready to burst, but its so strong and immoveable right now. Maybe, on some level, I worry that if I let it go, I’ll completely fall apart.”
As I wrote, I allowed myself to verbalize all the most horrible thoughts that had been going through my head. I blamed and berated myself for every choice I had ever made. I told myself that I was being punished for all my mistakes and I called myself every bad name in the book. Reading it over now, I realize that I had to get out in the open all the secret things that I blamed myself for and had never really acknowledged. It all seems ridiculous now, but when I was in the darkness, I really believed it.
Then, I questioned how I could have made such mistakes, been so foolish, stupid, selfish etc. I questioned my motives and my beliefs and where they had got me. And next came the apologies. I said sorry to everyone for every thing I had ever done. After that, I began to ask what I could do to make it right again and realized that I had to forgive myself before I could move on.
By then, I had become calmer and it was then that I began to make statements about what I needed and wanted. I asked to feel better, for answers, miracles, understanding and growth. I asked for help.
When I was finished writing, I meditated for the first time in months.
That afternoon and the morning that followed, each of my two best friends visited me. We shared our pain and we wept together. I felt more honest and deeply connected to each of them than I have in over 35 years of friendship. I had been “broken open” and it allowed me to embrace our friendship and be present on an entirely new level. I was reminded of how we are all living through our own versions of hell at some time or another and that our suffering can take up so much of our precious time and energy if we let it. I felt such gratitude and compassion for them and for myself. I felt whole again.
Since then, I have continued to meditate every day. The problems I am facing are still there, but now they seem manageable. I am organized and productive again and I have regained my trademark Optimism (thank god!)
As horrible as it was to live through, I’m grateful for the experience. I feel stronger now and I have learned more about myself in the process. I realize that there is a deep psychological connection between my new role as a single parent and my experience growing up as the child of a struggling single mother and the learning continues...
Believe it or not, these are the first few lines of a recent journal entry of mine. When I wrote this, I was battling an episode of fear that was so crippling, I could not go 5 minutes without feeling intense panic and a sense of doom. Given my reputation for optimism and my ability to find learning in every challenging experience, many might find it hard to believe that I would be capable of going to such a dark place. Thankfully, I can recall only a few times that I have felt like that in my life, but nevertheless, under certain circumstances I have found myself in the grip of a fear so unbearable, it made me question my worth, my choices and everything I believe in.
If I were to explain how I got to that place, I would have to say that it seems to be set off when I perceive that there is some threat to my ability to meet the basic human needs of my family (food, shelter, etc.). This must be a very deep core issue for me because, In almost any other situation, I am a pillar of strength and yet when this issue is triggered, I somehow develop an irrational fear-based thought process around it.
If you have ever felt this kind of fear, and I’m guessing most of us have at some point in our lives, it is important to understand that, even though we do not want to encourage fearful thoughts, we must also recognize that when these “dark nights of the soul” do happen, they are a necessary part of our process of self discovery. In my case, even though I felt quite powerless at the time, there was still a part of me that was able to view myself and my thoughts objectively and try to assess what was going on for me emotionally. But I was still caught in a “thought loop” because there were very real circumstances that needed to be dealt with and I had no idea how to fix the problem. Every time I succeeded in distracting myself from the negative thoughts, the reality of the situation would become obvious, once again, and I was sucked back into the pit of desperation.
Over two weeks passed before I was finally able to regain my power and change my thoughts, but my rational mind was reminding me all along that the more I allowed myself to indulge the fearful thoughts, the more I was reinforcing them and giving them power. I knew I was attracting more of what I did not want, and because I was able to recognize this, it gave me the strength I needed to keep trying over and over to reject the fearful thoughts and eventually come up with a plan to banish them entirely. And this is really the key here. The reality of the situation has not changed but my perception of it has. I can now think the same thoughts that would have made me panic a week ago and still feel calm and in control.
It is remarkable. I would even say it’s a miracle!
“Please help me. I need a miracle. Show me the way. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to be in the dark anymore. Please help me find the light and stay there”
So, what changed?
Well, first, I wrote that journal entry which ended up consisting of over 2,000 words by the time I was done. That was on a morning when I woke up and the panic started the moment I opened my eyes. I knew I could not get through the day unless I did something and the only thing I could think of was to write. I was hoping it would purge the feelings and make me cry. I needed to cry so badly but I had not been able to for weeks.
“I wish I could cry and unlock all of this terror, but I can only seem to manage a few stray tears that leak out. What I feel inside is like a dam that is ready to burst, but its so strong and immoveable right now. Maybe, on some level, I worry that if I let it go, I’ll completely fall apart.”
As I wrote, I allowed myself to verbalize all the most horrible thoughts that had been going through my head. I blamed and berated myself for every choice I had ever made. I told myself that I was being punished for all my mistakes and I called myself every bad name in the book. Reading it over now, I realize that I had to get out in the open all the secret things that I blamed myself for and had never really acknowledged. It all seems ridiculous now, but when I was in the darkness, I really believed it.
Then, I questioned how I could have made such mistakes, been so foolish, stupid, selfish etc. I questioned my motives and my beliefs and where they had got me. And next came the apologies. I said sorry to everyone for every thing I had ever done. After that, I began to ask what I could do to make it right again and realized that I had to forgive myself before I could move on.
By then, I had become calmer and it was then that I began to make statements about what I needed and wanted. I asked to feel better, for answers, miracles, understanding and growth. I asked for help.
When I was finished writing, I meditated for the first time in months.
That afternoon and the morning that followed, each of my two best friends visited me. We shared our pain and we wept together. I felt more honest and deeply connected to each of them than I have in over 35 years of friendship. I had been “broken open” and it allowed me to embrace our friendship and be present on an entirely new level. I was reminded of how we are all living through our own versions of hell at some time or another and that our suffering can take up so much of our precious time and energy if we let it. I felt such gratitude and compassion for them and for myself. I felt whole again.
Since then, I have continued to meditate every day. The problems I am facing are still there, but now they seem manageable. I am organized and productive again and I have regained my trademark Optimism (thank god!)
As horrible as it was to live through, I’m grateful for the experience. I feel stronger now and I have learned more about myself in the process. I realize that there is a deep psychological connection between my new role as a single parent and my experience growing up as the child of a struggling single mother and the learning continues...
Saturday, April 24, 2010
This week's Inspired Living Post
For my new Inspired Living segment on Newstalk 1010's Buddha Lounge Show, it occurs to me that I have created a whole new job description for myself:
Look for everything that’s good in the world.
Talk about it.
Write about it.
Teach others to do the same.
What could be better than that???
This is the first in a regular series of articles I will be publishing which focuses on "Real People Living Inspired Lives". I will share with you some of the truly Inspiring People, Places, Events & Stories that I encounter in my everyday life and I will also be encouraging you - the audience - to email me or the show and let us know who or what YOU think is SO Inspiring so I can follow up on it and perhaps include it in an article or on the show. Go to www.thebuddhaloungeshow.com to share your experience.
Regardless, I hope you will check in with this blog or the show for your regular dose of Inspiration.
Synchronicities and Benevolence
It happened on Good Friday. A beautiful, warm, sunny day. Thinking all the stores would be closed, I donned a pair of old flip flops and ventured out to do some window shopping and grab a coffee. To my delight, many of the stores were open and Yonge Street was alive with people. With every step, I became more appreciative of this glorious day.
At one point, I stopped into Chocky’s to find some socks and underwear for my boys. As I meandered about the store, the sales clerk was extremely helpful and we chatted as she assisted me. Then, a woman and her two daughters came in and I overheard her asking if they had any flip flops for sale. This caught my attention because mine were in pretty rough shape and I had thought about getting a new pair. The sales clerk said she did not have any flip flops and the woman went on to say that her boots had given her blisters and that’s why she needed the flip flops. I laughed to myself, thinking about how amazing it was that this random event revealed two synchronicities. First, it was just this morning that I had thought about throwing out my flip flops and second, it was only the day before that I had been speaking to one of my kids and recalled with affection how, in my younger years, I often preferred to walk on the city streets in my bare feet. It just seemed so obvious to me. I should offer my flip flops to her.
The woman was very appreciative of my offer, but was not about to take the “shoes off my feet”. Of course, I completely understood, however it would have made me very happy if she had taken me up on it. Nevertheless, we struck up a conversation and it wasn’t long before yet another synchronicity was revealed.
We discovered that the woman and her daughters knew my son, Ryan, but that was no real surprise. Ryan knows everyone. What really gave me goose bumps was when they told me that Ryan had become a hero of sorts when, after a party one night, he was in a fast food restaurant and saw one of the local thugs trying to sell a stolen cellphone. Ryan recognized that the phone belonged to his friend (one of the daughters at Chocky’s) and, knowing how upset she had been by the incident, he decided to buy it back for her. Needless to say, I was very proud to hear that Ryan had performed such a benevolent act but even this did not really surprise me. Ryan has always been that kind of person and while I would certainly put Ryan’s good deed and general good nature high on my list of things that Inspire me, on this day, there was another simple, unexpected bonus which made my heart sing.
The woman, her daughters and I chatted a while longer, and made plans to keep in touch. They left the store and I went to the counter to pay for my items. The sales clerk, who had overheard our conversation, smiled and asked me “Are any of these things for Ryan?” “Yes”, I said. “As a matter of fact, they are!” “Well, then”, she said, “I think both of you deserve a discount. You, for offering the shoes off your feet, and Ryan for getting that girl’s phone back.”
I have to say that I was practically speechless. This sales clerk really had not investment in what she overheard, and yet she felt inspired enough to make the gesture. I don’t know if she was the owner or an employee, so I hope she doesn’t get in any trouble for giving the discount on that basis. Rather, I’d like to add Chocky’s to the “Inspired Living Friends Network” and encourage everyone I know to shop there.
Thanks to Chockys (2584 Yonge St, Toronto), Marsha & Co, and Ryan.
Look for everything that’s good in the world.
Talk about it.
Write about it.
Teach others to do the same.
What could be better than that???
This is the first in a regular series of articles I will be publishing which focuses on "Real People Living Inspired Lives". I will share with you some of the truly Inspiring People, Places, Events & Stories that I encounter in my everyday life and I will also be encouraging you - the audience - to email me or the show and let us know who or what YOU think is SO Inspiring so I can follow up on it and perhaps include it in an article or on the show. Go to www.thebuddhaloungeshow.com to share your experience.
Regardless, I hope you will check in with this blog or the show for your regular dose of Inspiration.
Synchronicities and Benevolence
It happened on Good Friday. A beautiful, warm, sunny day. Thinking all the stores would be closed, I donned a pair of old flip flops and ventured out to do some window shopping and grab a coffee. To my delight, many of the stores were open and Yonge Street was alive with people. With every step, I became more appreciative of this glorious day.
At one point, I stopped into Chocky’s to find some socks and underwear for my boys. As I meandered about the store, the sales clerk was extremely helpful and we chatted as she assisted me. Then, a woman and her two daughters came in and I overheard her asking if they had any flip flops for sale. This caught my attention because mine were in pretty rough shape and I had thought about getting a new pair. The sales clerk said she did not have any flip flops and the woman went on to say that her boots had given her blisters and that’s why she needed the flip flops. I laughed to myself, thinking about how amazing it was that this random event revealed two synchronicities. First, it was just this morning that I had thought about throwing out my flip flops and second, it was only the day before that I had been speaking to one of my kids and recalled with affection how, in my younger years, I often preferred to walk on the city streets in my bare feet. It just seemed so obvious to me. I should offer my flip flops to her.
The woman was very appreciative of my offer, but was not about to take the “shoes off my feet”. Of course, I completely understood, however it would have made me very happy if she had taken me up on it. Nevertheless, we struck up a conversation and it wasn’t long before yet another synchronicity was revealed.
We discovered that the woman and her daughters knew my son, Ryan, but that was no real surprise. Ryan knows everyone. What really gave me goose bumps was when they told me that Ryan had become a hero of sorts when, after a party one night, he was in a fast food restaurant and saw one of the local thugs trying to sell a stolen cellphone. Ryan recognized that the phone belonged to his friend (one of the daughters at Chocky’s) and, knowing how upset she had been by the incident, he decided to buy it back for her. Needless to say, I was very proud to hear that Ryan had performed such a benevolent act but even this did not really surprise me. Ryan has always been that kind of person and while I would certainly put Ryan’s good deed and general good nature high on my list of things that Inspire me, on this day, there was another simple, unexpected bonus which made my heart sing.
The woman, her daughters and I chatted a while longer, and made plans to keep in touch. They left the store and I went to the counter to pay for my items. The sales clerk, who had overheard our conversation, smiled and asked me “Are any of these things for Ryan?” “Yes”, I said. “As a matter of fact, they are!” “Well, then”, she said, “I think both of you deserve a discount. You, for offering the shoes off your feet, and Ryan for getting that girl’s phone back.”
I have to say that I was practically speechless. This sales clerk really had not investment in what she overheard, and yet she felt inspired enough to make the gesture. I don’t know if she was the owner or an employee, so I hope she doesn’t get in any trouble for giving the discount on that basis. Rather, I’d like to add Chocky’s to the “Inspired Living Friends Network” and encourage everyone I know to shop there.
Thanks to Chockys (2584 Yonge St, Toronto), Marsha & Co, and Ryan.
Clarity
Just came across this today. It's from May 7, 2009 but was never posted. Must be a good reason for that.
CLARITY
Funny, how breakthroughs often happen without warning. There we are, living our lives, struggling with the difficulties that are thrown in our path and begging the universe for a break in the drama. Sometimes it seems as though there will never be a resolution to our problems and we feel defeated, powerless and maybe even hopeless. But then, one day sunny day in May, we find ourselves sitting across from our best friend who is going through challenges of her own and, as we try to help that friend gain clarity about her situation, we find ourselves blown away by our own wisdom.
That’s what happened to me today. Twice.
Now, for those of you who know me, its not unusual for me to sit there spewing a monologue comprised of various anecdotes and personal insights, and this time was no different except that the ideas that I was expressing came through so strongly and clearly and with such energy and conviction that we both knew it was more than just me talking. It was truth.
But that, in and of itself, is not really so remarkable. We have all experienced moments of such absolute clarity that we wonder if we might be tapping into some greater sea of consciousness, right? And I believe that we all have that power, whether or not we know it or believe it. So, what was so interesting about today was that, as I spoke, it became evident to me that the level of clarity regarding my beliefs seems to have shifted suddenly. Its as if I have reached a new level of understanding about (dare I say it) the meaning of life and, even though I haven’t felt very connected to my source recently, it seems that the spiritual work has continued behind the scenes without me even being aware of it. I had been so distracted by my circumstances over the past two years that I had neglected my spiritual practice almost completely and for me, having served as a guide for others to stay connected to their spirit, I felt that I had not only let myself down, but that I had not been able to practice what I preached to others and that was very troublesome to me. I kept wanting to regain my footing and waited for inspiration to return so I could have the focus to take action and feel as if I was in control of my life again, but the whirlwind that had taken over my life had its own agenda and it was all I could do to just hang in there until the storm blew over. Throughout this process I did understand that there were significant lessons I was learning which had to do with trust, letting go, taking risks, relinquishing control, shattering old beliefs, discovering my truth etc... and the insights were abundant. However, the chaos continued and so I questioned what it was I still needed to learn. There was still a piece that I must have been missing.
Today, the skies cleared and I realized what that piece was. That piece is called Surrender.
I’m beginning to think that the gift humans cherish so dearly is actually the one thing that prevents us from finding the peace and deeper understanding the we all strive for. What gift is that, you ask?
FREE WILL
I’m going to let that marinate for a while.
CLARITY
Funny, how breakthroughs often happen without warning. There we are, living our lives, struggling with the difficulties that are thrown in our path and begging the universe for a break in the drama. Sometimes it seems as though there will never be a resolution to our problems and we feel defeated, powerless and maybe even hopeless. But then, one day sunny day in May, we find ourselves sitting across from our best friend who is going through challenges of her own and, as we try to help that friend gain clarity about her situation, we find ourselves blown away by our own wisdom.
That’s what happened to me today. Twice.
Now, for those of you who know me, its not unusual for me to sit there spewing a monologue comprised of various anecdotes and personal insights, and this time was no different except that the ideas that I was expressing came through so strongly and clearly and with such energy and conviction that we both knew it was more than just me talking. It was truth.
But that, in and of itself, is not really so remarkable. We have all experienced moments of such absolute clarity that we wonder if we might be tapping into some greater sea of consciousness, right? And I believe that we all have that power, whether or not we know it or believe it. So, what was so interesting about today was that, as I spoke, it became evident to me that the level of clarity regarding my beliefs seems to have shifted suddenly. Its as if I have reached a new level of understanding about (dare I say it) the meaning of life and, even though I haven’t felt very connected to my source recently, it seems that the spiritual work has continued behind the scenes without me even being aware of it. I had been so distracted by my circumstances over the past two years that I had neglected my spiritual practice almost completely and for me, having served as a guide for others to stay connected to their spirit, I felt that I had not only let myself down, but that I had not been able to practice what I preached to others and that was very troublesome to me. I kept wanting to regain my footing and waited for inspiration to return so I could have the focus to take action and feel as if I was in control of my life again, but the whirlwind that had taken over my life had its own agenda and it was all I could do to just hang in there until the storm blew over. Throughout this process I did understand that there were significant lessons I was learning which had to do with trust, letting go, taking risks, relinquishing control, shattering old beliefs, discovering my truth etc... and the insights were abundant. However, the chaos continued and so I questioned what it was I still needed to learn. There was still a piece that I must have been missing.
Today, the skies cleared and I realized what that piece was. That piece is called Surrender.
I’m beginning to think that the gift humans cherish so dearly is actually the one thing that prevents us from finding the peace and deeper understanding the we all strive for. What gift is that, you ask?
FREE WILL
I’m going to let that marinate for a while.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Inspired Living Segment to Launch on Newstalk 1010's Buddha Lounge Show, hosted by none other than "Yours Truly"!
I'm happy to announce that I will be joining host Natasha Dern on Newstalk 1010's Buddha Lounge Show for a regular segment called "Inspired Living with Tracy Richards".
The focus of the segment will be "Real People Living Inspired Lives" where I will share with our listeners some of the truly Inspiring People, Places, Events & Stories that I encounter in my everyday life. I will also be encouraging our listeners to email us and let us know who or what YOU think is SO Inspiring that we should include it on our show.
I was Inspired to do this segment because of my passion to help others discover that we have the power to create a better life. So much is going on on the planet and in our world and so many of us are experiencing a great deal of upheaval. We may feel overwhelmed by what is NOT going right, which creates more of the same, so I thought that, instead, we need encouragement to look for what is GOOD about our world!
So, I'm inviting everyone to tune in and listen to our first two segments on Sundays, beginning April 25th 1-2 pm & May 2nd 1-2 pm. The Buddha Lounge also airs a rebroadcast the following Saturdays @ 8-9 pm, so don't miss it!
Please direct comments or questions about the show to:
Tracy Richards
c/o the Buddha Lounge Show
Newstalk 1010
info@thebuddhaloungeshow.com
The focus of the segment will be "Real People Living Inspired Lives" where I will share with our listeners some of the truly Inspiring People, Places, Events & Stories that I encounter in my everyday life. I will also be encouraging our listeners to email us and let us know who or what YOU think is SO Inspiring that we should include it on our show.
I was Inspired to do this segment because of my passion to help others discover that we have the power to create a better life. So much is going on on the planet and in our world and so many of us are experiencing a great deal of upheaval. We may feel overwhelmed by what is NOT going right, which creates more of the same, so I thought that, instead, we need encouragement to look for what is GOOD about our world!
So, I'm inviting everyone to tune in and listen to our first two segments on Sundays, beginning April 25th 1-2 pm & May 2nd 1-2 pm. The Buddha Lounge also airs a rebroadcast the following Saturdays @ 8-9 pm, so don't miss it!
Please direct comments or questions about the show to:
Tracy Richards
c/o the Buddha Lounge Show
Newstalk 1010
info@thebuddhaloungeshow.com
Monday, March 1, 2010
The Little Voice
In the past three years or so, it seems that the world has exploded with new ways of communicating. In early 2007, I had never sent a text message and had barely heard of Facebook, but by May of that year, my reliance on both those mediums had grown incredibly. A major reason for that was the Jarvis Reunion, because I had reconnected with so many people with whom I wanted to stay in contact. I would later realize, however, that there was one person I found at the reunion that I didn’t even realize I had lost touch with. That person was me.
At that time, I was married with 4 boys, living in an affluent suburb. I had a grand home, a cottage in Muskoka and my children went to private school. I owned a Wellness Centre, was a practicing Psychotherapist and had been growing spiritually for over a decade. I had worked hard over the past 20 years to create my “ideal” life and I don’t think anyone, in their wildest dreams, would have imagined that 3 years later I would have separated from my husband, sold my business and moved back downtown...least of all, me.
It’s not that there were no warning signs along the way. There were many. But, I was determined to believe that this lifestyle I had created would eventually lead to happiness, and even though there had been a little voice inside me, all along, saying, “this isn’t you”, I chose to ignore it.
What happened in the few months surrounding the Reunion literally ended up changing the course of my life. During this period I encountered several major challenges. First, I had a life threatening health issue, which made it necessary for me to take a leave of absence from my business. That led to a financial crisis which, coupled with my health concerns, added to the tension in my already troubled marriage. It seemed that the little voice inside me was tired of being ignored and had been replaced with an emphatic scream. I needed a wake up call, and the universe was determined to get my attention, once and for all.
Being in the company of people whose only experience of me had been 30 years before, I realized that who they saw and who I had become were two very different people. Its not that I had become a bad person. In fact, the opposite was true. Over the years, I had devoted myself to becoming the best version of myself that I could and I believe that I had succeeded. I had no issue with the woman I was now, but the girl I had been in high school had somehow disappeared.
Seeing myself through the eyes of those old friends gave me a very profound insight and one of my life’s greatest gifts to date. It came at a time when my inner world was in peril and I was broken down and vulnerable. I was looking for answers to why this was all happening to me and because of that I was open to seeing who I was from another perspective. It helped me to understand what the little voice inside me had been trying to tell me all along: That, in the search to create my ideal life, I had become focused on “becoming” something or someone new and improved. I had suppressed what I believed to be the imperfect parts of myself because I thought I needed to protect myself from the pain of old mistakes and past trauma and to prevent myself from having to live through that pain again. In doing so, I became disconnected from the essence of who I was, which led me to feel incomplete. Even though my life had seemed perfect on paper, the little voice inside had been saying, “This isn’t you. It’s only part of you. There are pieces missing, and until you find them, nothing in your life will feel balanced.” The more I continued to ignore the little voice, the further I drifted away from my true self. But eventually, the little voice enlisted some backup from the universe and I finally started listening.
What unfolded as a result of this insight was far from simple and over the months that followed it became clear to me that, in order to become whole again, I would have to make some very drastic changes in my life. Unfortunately, that meant bringing a few chapters to a close. The process of selling my business and ending my marriage proved to be painful beyond comprehension and yet I managed to get through it, comforted by the fact that I was finally listening to my heart. It has not been easy and I would not wish that kind of pain on anyone, but I have never once doubted that I was doing the right thing, and that I find remarkable. There is a kind of certainty I have now that I did not have before, and that comes from embracing all the aspects of myself, the good, the bad; the dark and the light. I no longer think in terms of what I am looking for to make me happy but rather, what I already have. I am committed to the discovery of my own truth and I continuously challenge myself to just “be who I am”. The skeletons in my closet have all been revealed, and I’m not ashamed of them. After all, they helped make me who I am today, and I’m proud of that person, warts and all.
Most importantly, I do my best not to ignore that little voice any more. It is the voice of my inner truth, authenticity, and integrity its the best way I know to find my way on this journey.
"There Is A Voice Inside Of You
That Whispers All Day Long,
"I Feel That This Is Right For Me,
I Know That This Is Wrong."
No Teacher, Preacher, Parent, Friend
Or Wise Man Can Decide
What's Right For You- Just Listen To
The Voice That Speaks Inside."
- Shel Silverstein
At that time, I was married with 4 boys, living in an affluent suburb. I had a grand home, a cottage in Muskoka and my children went to private school. I owned a Wellness Centre, was a practicing Psychotherapist and had been growing spiritually for over a decade. I had worked hard over the past 20 years to create my “ideal” life and I don’t think anyone, in their wildest dreams, would have imagined that 3 years later I would have separated from my husband, sold my business and moved back downtown...least of all, me.
It’s not that there were no warning signs along the way. There were many. But, I was determined to believe that this lifestyle I had created would eventually lead to happiness, and even though there had been a little voice inside me, all along, saying, “this isn’t you”, I chose to ignore it.
What happened in the few months surrounding the Reunion literally ended up changing the course of my life. During this period I encountered several major challenges. First, I had a life threatening health issue, which made it necessary for me to take a leave of absence from my business. That led to a financial crisis which, coupled with my health concerns, added to the tension in my already troubled marriage. It seemed that the little voice inside me was tired of being ignored and had been replaced with an emphatic scream. I needed a wake up call, and the universe was determined to get my attention, once and for all.
Being in the company of people whose only experience of me had been 30 years before, I realized that who they saw and who I had become were two very different people. Its not that I had become a bad person. In fact, the opposite was true. Over the years, I had devoted myself to becoming the best version of myself that I could and I believe that I had succeeded. I had no issue with the woman I was now, but the girl I had been in high school had somehow disappeared.
Seeing myself through the eyes of those old friends gave me a very profound insight and one of my life’s greatest gifts to date. It came at a time when my inner world was in peril and I was broken down and vulnerable. I was looking for answers to why this was all happening to me and because of that I was open to seeing who I was from another perspective. It helped me to understand what the little voice inside me had been trying to tell me all along: That, in the search to create my ideal life, I had become focused on “becoming” something or someone new and improved. I had suppressed what I believed to be the imperfect parts of myself because I thought I needed to protect myself from the pain of old mistakes and past trauma and to prevent myself from having to live through that pain again. In doing so, I became disconnected from the essence of who I was, which led me to feel incomplete. Even though my life had seemed perfect on paper, the little voice inside had been saying, “This isn’t you. It’s only part of you. There are pieces missing, and until you find them, nothing in your life will feel balanced.” The more I continued to ignore the little voice, the further I drifted away from my true self. But eventually, the little voice enlisted some backup from the universe and I finally started listening.
What unfolded as a result of this insight was far from simple and over the months that followed it became clear to me that, in order to become whole again, I would have to make some very drastic changes in my life. Unfortunately, that meant bringing a few chapters to a close. The process of selling my business and ending my marriage proved to be painful beyond comprehension and yet I managed to get through it, comforted by the fact that I was finally listening to my heart. It has not been easy and I would not wish that kind of pain on anyone, but I have never once doubted that I was doing the right thing, and that I find remarkable. There is a kind of certainty I have now that I did not have before, and that comes from embracing all the aspects of myself, the good, the bad; the dark and the light. I no longer think in terms of what I am looking for to make me happy but rather, what I already have. I am committed to the discovery of my own truth and I continuously challenge myself to just “be who I am”. The skeletons in my closet have all been revealed, and I’m not ashamed of them. After all, they helped make me who I am today, and I’m proud of that person, warts and all.
Most importantly, I do my best not to ignore that little voice any more. It is the voice of my inner truth, authenticity, and integrity its the best way I know to find my way on this journey.
"There Is A Voice Inside Of You
That Whispers All Day Long,
"I Feel That This Is Right For Me,
I Know That This Is Wrong."
No Teacher, Preacher, Parent, Friend
Or Wise Man Can Decide
What's Right For You- Just Listen To
The Voice That Speaks Inside."
- Shel Silverstein
Saturday, February 13, 2010
The Journey: a Poem by Mary Oliver
The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.
~ Mary Oliver ~
Friday, December 4, 2009
Goals & Law of Attraction
This note is in response to one that was forwarded to me by a friend recently, which I felt needed some clarification in terms of how Law of Attraction works. I have included the original note at the bottom of this post.
Mr Sivers’ note seems to be focusing on the "announcement" of the “goals”, rather than the intention itself and, in my mind, there is a clear distinction between a goal and an intention. A “goal” is defined as "The purpose toward which an endeavor is directed; an objective" and, while the word "intention" is often used interchangeably with the word "goal", when we use it in terms of "stating your intention", we are talking about a mindset that exists in order to achieve a desired outcome, rather than the outcome itself.
While Law of Attraction does say that knowing what we want is crucial to the process of manifestation, it does not suggest that we make public declarations about our goals. While stating our goals to others can feel helpful, and studies show that written goals are much more likely to be achieved, it is not at all necessary to “tell” anyone about them. In fact, it can actually be counter intuitive if the declaration is being used as a way to "convince" ourselves or others of something that we don't really "believe" is possible. If we are inclined to announce our goals, we may think we are doing so as a way of holding ourselves accountable but, in reality, we may just be doing it to cover up the fact that we aren't really committed to them in the first place hence, Mr. Sivers’ suggestion to ask a friend to “kick my ass” if I don’t lose 20 pounds is quite relevant.
If we use Mr. Sivers' example of eating healthy meals as being a successful goal, while going to the gym as being unsuccessful, we have to first examine what the "true" goal was and add to that what the underlying "belief" is regarding that goal. If the "true" goal was to be thinner, then there may be a "belief" that only one of the methods was really necessary in order to achieve it. Even though the person knows or agrees that going to the gym will help him to lose weight, he or she may not really feel that a commitment to it is possible, either because of an aversion to exercise, a belief that they just can't/won't do it or simply because, deep down, they just don't place as much value on fitness as they do on thinness and healthy eating.
Law of Attraction says "that which is like unto itself is drawn" and that simply means that what you give your attention to is what manifests. So, in this scenario, the formula using Law of Attraction would begin with a very honest assessment of what it is you "truly" want. If it is to lose 20 pounds, then why do you want that? Is it for health? To find a partner? To be more accepted in society? To look better? Once you know the goal beneath the goal, or the "true" goal, you can then identify your "intention" and, in doing so, set more appropriate, and therefore achievable, "goals". If the "true" goal is for health, then the next step is to begin thinking of all the reasons "why" you want to be healthy and what that will feel like and look like to have it come true. Say to yourself “wouldn’t it be nice if…?” and imagine how your life will be different and what will be possible once you have achieved this goal. Look for examples around you, of other people who inspire you in this area, especially those who may not have been likely to achieve this goal, but did it anyway.
The next step is to “ask” for what you want and this is where the declaration comes in. It is one thing to know that you “want” something, but in order for the Universe to do its job (which is always, without exception, to answer “Yes”) we must actually “ask” for it. This can be as simple as saying the words to ourselves out loud or in our heads or writing them down as a list of goals. Again, it is not necessary to tell anyone else about it. In that moment, your desires are granted.
The next step is to make sure your thoughts and beliefs are in alignment with what you have asked for. To help with this, you must be open an willing to see that what you want is possible. As the song says, "All the Proof you'll ever need is all around you" and this applies to much more than just the Divine. It applies to EVERYTHING. All you have to do is look for the evidence and you will begin to notice it everywhere (this is what we call "synchronicity"). THIS is when your goals start to really seem "possible".
Now, when you begin to see this evidence, let yourself get EXCITED, not only for what is possible but for what exists in you, ALREADY. Begin to look at yourself and what you can identify as the success that you have in this area. Most likely, you will find that you are quite healthy, and you just need to "tweak" a few things to really "step into" your picture of total health. Once you appreciate what you already have, taking it to the next level seems much more "doable". This is called the "rampage of appreciation" and is a critical stage because it helps you to bring forth positive emotion about the goal and ANYTIME we feel emotion about ANYTHING, the stronger we are attracting it. (That works for negative emotion, too. The more we dwell on something we don't want, and indulge our negative feelings, the more we attract it, because we are focusing on it and "energizing" it even further with negative emotion.)
So, when you are excited about what is you begin to send out a "vibration", that is a better "match" to your desires, and once you are a “vibrational match” to what you want, are in alignment with it and it has no choice but to manifest in your reality.
Lastly, be aware of what provokes your negative feelings and beliefs about the goal. It’s possible that certain actions or behaviors that “should” be helpful only serve to add to your stress and cast further doubt about whether you can achieve this goal or not, especially if it’s something that, deep down, you don’t believe will work. For instance, focusing on “healthy eating” rather than “diets” has been proven to be a more effective strategy, largely because dieting causes you to focus on precisely what you are trying to have Iess of: FOOD. So, what are you attracting? MORE FOOD!
Putting it simply, it’s like wanting to hear a broadcast from 1010 AM and then setting your radio dial to 99.9 FM. The frequencies don’t match up. It’s not that 1010 AM isn’t possible to tune into, it just takes awareness in order to know how to tune into that particular station. Likewise, your thoughts and emotions are frequencies and they have to line up with what you desire.
So, why not try this? Start with something small that you have little emotional investment in. Be careful, because if you are skeptical, you will be sending out a contrasting vibration which will inhibit the process (like the “static” when two stations are close together and you can hear them both but neither comes through clearly). See if you can practice the above techniques in relation to this goal. Do this for a couple of days and let yourself be open to finding the evidence to support it. It takes practice to master it, but it will be well worth it, I promise.
"Shut up! Announcing your plans makes you less motivated to accomplish them"
A note by Derek Sivers, 2009-06-16
Shouldn't you announce your goals, so friends can support you? Isn't it good networking to tell people about your upcoming projects? Doesn't the “law of attraction” mean you should state your intention, and visualize the goal as already yours?
Nope.
Tests done since 1933 show that people who talk about their intentions are less likely to make them happen. Announcing your plans to others satisfies your self-identity just enough that you're less motivated to do the hard work needed. In 1933, W. Mahler found that if a person announced the solution to a problem, and was acknowledged by others, it was now in the brain as a “social reality”, even if the solution hadn't actually been achieved. NYU psychology professor Peter Gollwitzer has been studying this since his 1982 book “Symbolic Self-Completion” (pdf article here) - and recently published results of new tests in a research article, “When Intentions Go Public: Does Social Reality Widen the Intention-Behavior Gap?” Four different tests of 63 people found that those who kept their intentions private were more likely to achieve them than those who made them public and were acknowledged by others.
Once you've told people of your intentions, it gives you a “premature sense of completeness.” You have “identity symbols” in your brain that make your self-image. Since both actions and talk create symbols in your brain, talking satisfies the brain enough that it “neglects the pursuit of further symbols.”
A related test found that success on one sub-goal (eating healthy meals) reduced efforts on other important sub-goals (going to the gym) for the same reason. It may seem unnatural to keep your intentions and plans private, but try it. If you do tell a friend, make sure not to say it as a satisfaction (“I've joined a gym and bought running shoes. I'm going to do it!”), but as dissatisfaction (“I want to lose 20 pounds, so kick my ass if I don't, OK?”)"
Mr Sivers’ note seems to be focusing on the "announcement" of the “goals”, rather than the intention itself and, in my mind, there is a clear distinction between a goal and an intention. A “goal” is defined as "The purpose toward which an endeavor is directed; an objective" and, while the word "intention" is often used interchangeably with the word "goal", when we use it in terms of "stating your intention", we are talking about a mindset that exists in order to achieve a desired outcome, rather than the outcome itself.
While Law of Attraction does say that knowing what we want is crucial to the process of manifestation, it does not suggest that we make public declarations about our goals. While stating our goals to others can feel helpful, and studies show that written goals are much more likely to be achieved, it is not at all necessary to “tell” anyone about them. In fact, it can actually be counter intuitive if the declaration is being used as a way to "convince" ourselves or others of something that we don't really "believe" is possible. If we are inclined to announce our goals, we may think we are doing so as a way of holding ourselves accountable but, in reality, we may just be doing it to cover up the fact that we aren't really committed to them in the first place hence, Mr. Sivers’ suggestion to ask a friend to “kick my ass” if I don’t lose 20 pounds is quite relevant.
If we use Mr. Sivers' example of eating healthy meals as being a successful goal, while going to the gym as being unsuccessful, we have to first examine what the "true" goal was and add to that what the underlying "belief" is regarding that goal. If the "true" goal was to be thinner, then there may be a "belief" that only one of the methods was really necessary in order to achieve it. Even though the person knows or agrees that going to the gym will help him to lose weight, he or she may not really feel that a commitment to it is possible, either because of an aversion to exercise, a belief that they just can't/won't do it or simply because, deep down, they just don't place as much value on fitness as they do on thinness and healthy eating.
Law of Attraction says "that which is like unto itself is drawn" and that simply means that what you give your attention to is what manifests. So, in this scenario, the formula using Law of Attraction would begin with a very honest assessment of what it is you "truly" want. If it is to lose 20 pounds, then why do you want that? Is it for health? To find a partner? To be more accepted in society? To look better? Once you know the goal beneath the goal, or the "true" goal, you can then identify your "intention" and, in doing so, set more appropriate, and therefore achievable, "goals". If the "true" goal is for health, then the next step is to begin thinking of all the reasons "why" you want to be healthy and what that will feel like and look like to have it come true. Say to yourself “wouldn’t it be nice if…?” and imagine how your life will be different and what will be possible once you have achieved this goal. Look for examples around you, of other people who inspire you in this area, especially those who may not have been likely to achieve this goal, but did it anyway.
The next step is to “ask” for what you want and this is where the declaration comes in. It is one thing to know that you “want” something, but in order for the Universe to do its job (which is always, without exception, to answer “Yes”) we must actually “ask” for it. This can be as simple as saying the words to ourselves out loud or in our heads or writing them down as a list of goals. Again, it is not necessary to tell anyone else about it. In that moment, your desires are granted.
The next step is to make sure your thoughts and beliefs are in alignment with what you have asked for. To help with this, you must be open an willing to see that what you want is possible. As the song says, "All the Proof you'll ever need is all around you" and this applies to much more than just the Divine. It applies to EVERYTHING. All you have to do is look for the evidence and you will begin to notice it everywhere (this is what we call "synchronicity"). THIS is when your goals start to really seem "possible".
Now, when you begin to see this evidence, let yourself get EXCITED, not only for what is possible but for what exists in you, ALREADY. Begin to look at yourself and what you can identify as the success that you have in this area. Most likely, you will find that you are quite healthy, and you just need to "tweak" a few things to really "step into" your picture of total health. Once you appreciate what you already have, taking it to the next level seems much more "doable". This is called the "rampage of appreciation" and is a critical stage because it helps you to bring forth positive emotion about the goal and ANYTIME we feel emotion about ANYTHING, the stronger we are attracting it. (That works for negative emotion, too. The more we dwell on something we don't want, and indulge our negative feelings, the more we attract it, because we are focusing on it and "energizing" it even further with negative emotion.)
So, when you are excited about what is you begin to send out a "vibration", that is a better "match" to your desires, and once you are a “vibrational match” to what you want, are in alignment with it and it has no choice but to manifest in your reality.
Lastly, be aware of what provokes your negative feelings and beliefs about the goal. It’s possible that certain actions or behaviors that “should” be helpful only serve to add to your stress and cast further doubt about whether you can achieve this goal or not, especially if it’s something that, deep down, you don’t believe will work. For instance, focusing on “healthy eating” rather than “diets” has been proven to be a more effective strategy, largely because dieting causes you to focus on precisely what you are trying to have Iess of: FOOD. So, what are you attracting? MORE FOOD!
Putting it simply, it’s like wanting to hear a broadcast from 1010 AM and then setting your radio dial to 99.9 FM. The frequencies don’t match up. It’s not that 1010 AM isn’t possible to tune into, it just takes awareness in order to know how to tune into that particular station. Likewise, your thoughts and emotions are frequencies and they have to line up with what you desire.
So, why not try this? Start with something small that you have little emotional investment in. Be careful, because if you are skeptical, you will be sending out a contrasting vibration which will inhibit the process (like the “static” when two stations are close together and you can hear them both but neither comes through clearly). See if you can practice the above techniques in relation to this goal. Do this for a couple of days and let yourself be open to finding the evidence to support it. It takes practice to master it, but it will be well worth it, I promise.
"Shut up! Announcing your plans makes you less motivated to accomplish them"
A note by Derek Sivers, 2009-06-16
Shouldn't you announce your goals, so friends can support you? Isn't it good networking to tell people about your upcoming projects? Doesn't the “law of attraction” mean you should state your intention, and visualize the goal as already yours?
Nope.
Tests done since 1933 show that people who talk about their intentions are less likely to make them happen. Announcing your plans to others satisfies your self-identity just enough that you're less motivated to do the hard work needed. In 1933, W. Mahler found that if a person announced the solution to a problem, and was acknowledged by others, it was now in the brain as a “social reality”, even if the solution hadn't actually been achieved. NYU psychology professor Peter Gollwitzer has been studying this since his 1982 book “Symbolic Self-Completion” (pdf article here) - and recently published results of new tests in a research article, “When Intentions Go Public: Does Social Reality Widen the Intention-Behavior Gap?” Four different tests of 63 people found that those who kept their intentions private were more likely to achieve them than those who made them public and were acknowledged by others.
Once you've told people of your intentions, it gives you a “premature sense of completeness.” You have “identity symbols” in your brain that make your self-image. Since both actions and talk create symbols in your brain, talking satisfies the brain enough that it “neglects the pursuit of further symbols.”
A related test found that success on one sub-goal (eating healthy meals) reduced efforts on other important sub-goals (going to the gym) for the same reason. It may seem unnatural to keep your intentions and plans private, but try it. If you do tell a friend, make sure not to say it as a satisfaction (“I've joined a gym and bought running shoes. I'm going to do it!”), but as dissatisfaction (“I want to lose 20 pounds, so kick my ass if I don't, OK?”)"
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Dear Clients, Colleagues and Friends,
Hello there! It has been a while since we were last in touch and I wanted to let all of you know that I am alive and well and in the process of many new and exciting changes.
As some of you may be aware, 2007 was a year of incredible transformation for me. Within a few months I dealt with a serious health issue, saw my 19 year marriage come to an end and began a major shift in my professional life. As a result, I felt it best to take a partial leave of absence from my psychotherapy practice so that I could give full attention to my physical and emotional health, my children and our adjustment to the massive upheaval that was taking place in our lives. In the spring of 2008, I also made the difficult decision to close the doors of Soul Spa.
As we move into the holiday season of 2009, I am happy to report that my health, my personal life and my professional life are flourishing and I am in an active process of rebuilding my practice and my personal and professional network. I have a new name, a new location and a new website (www.tracybrichards.com) where you can view all of my up-to-date information, including links to my Blog Articles, Twitter Updates, upcoming Club Sangha: Gatherings to Inspire Soulful Connections events and more!
I hope that you will take the time to drop me a line, give me a call or check out my site. I’d love to know how YOU are doing and I’m eager to connect with each and every one of you so we can share insights about this amazing, roller coaster ride we call LIFE!
I am very fortunate to have found the inner strength that it took to make it through the many challenges in my life and I am grateful for these personal experiences because they have made me more qualified and committed than ever to helping others do the same.
Not surprisingly, my client base is largely made up of individuals and couples who are dealing with issues in relationships and who seek a better understanding of themselves so they can experience authentic, “conscious” relationships. I have also received training to assist low to medium conflict couples who are already moving toward separation by helping them find a “comfort zone” regarding their issues and facilitating the creation of a co-parenting arrangement and help minimize the emotional stress and confusion for their children.
If you feel that you, or someone close to you, can benefit from my services, I would be happy to help, I am presently available to see clients in York Region on Wednesdays and have recently opened two more days at my new home office near Mt Pleasant & Eglinton.
I look forward to hearing form you soon. Until then, as always, I wish you
All the Best!
As some of you may be aware, 2007 was a year of incredible transformation for me. Within a few months I dealt with a serious health issue, saw my 19 year marriage come to an end and began a major shift in my professional life. As a result, I felt it best to take a partial leave of absence from my psychotherapy practice so that I could give full attention to my physical and emotional health, my children and our adjustment to the massive upheaval that was taking place in our lives. In the spring of 2008, I also made the difficult decision to close the doors of Soul Spa.
As we move into the holiday season of 2009, I am happy to report that my health, my personal life and my professional life are flourishing and I am in an active process of rebuilding my practice and my personal and professional network. I have a new name, a new location and a new website (www.tracybrichards.com) where you can view all of my up-to-date information, including links to my Blog Articles, Twitter Updates, upcoming Club Sangha: Gatherings to Inspire Soulful Connections events and more!
I hope that you will take the time to drop me a line, give me a call or check out my site. I’d love to know how YOU are doing and I’m eager to connect with each and every one of you so we can share insights about this amazing, roller coaster ride we call LIFE!
I am very fortunate to have found the inner strength that it took to make it through the many challenges in my life and I am grateful for these personal experiences because they have made me more qualified and committed than ever to helping others do the same.
Not surprisingly, my client base is largely made up of individuals and couples who are dealing with issues in relationships and who seek a better understanding of themselves so they can experience authentic, “conscious” relationships. I have also received training to assist low to medium conflict couples who are already moving toward separation by helping them find a “comfort zone” regarding their issues and facilitating the creation of a co-parenting arrangement and help minimize the emotional stress and confusion for their children.
If you feel that you, or someone close to you, can benefit from my services, I would be happy to help, I am presently available to see clients in York Region on Wednesdays and have recently opened two more days at my new home office near Mt Pleasant & Eglinton.
I look forward to hearing form you soon. Until then, as always, I wish you
All the Best!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Carpe Diem
CARPE DIEM
We have become a wasteful society. It is so easy for us to indulge ourselves in unnecessary things for the sake convenience, pleasure or merely distraction. We create or procure much more than we need and then discard the leftovers in favour of the next indulgence. We can’t seem to get enough of what we want and end up with too much of what we want to get rid of. Today, I realize that goes just as much for our emotions as it does for anything else.
Last night, I attended a wake for an old grade-school acquaintance who recently took her own life. Even though I did not know her very well, nor did I have any contact with her in the last 30 years, I was compelled to attend the wake and pay my respects, nonetheless. I’d be lying if I said that my decision didn’t have anything to do with the fact that she died by her own hand. I suppose I feel that there is something sacred about suicide that makes it more important than ever for me to acknowledge the life that was lived. It’s kind of like when our fallen soldiers are brought home from war and people from all over gather on the overpasses along the Highway of Heroes to say a final farewell. It doesn’t matter if you knew that soldier or not, you just have to be there. That’s the way I felt last night.
Whether it be Peace on earth or Peace within, there is woeful irony in the lives of those who knowingly make the ultimate sacrifice in their struggle to maintain it. What makes one of us choose to put his life on the line and fight for a cause while another ends her life because she feels she has no fight left in her?
As I think about the friend whom we honored last night, I recall the many conversations with those who knew her best, and it gave me a greater understanding of what kind of person she was. They described her as incredibly smart, talented and strong. Someone to emulate and look up to, even a kind of “mother figure”. Not exactly what you would expect to hear about someone who had taken her own life. It made think that they could just as easily have been describing me and, while I don’t feel there is any chance that I would ever commit suicide, I do recognize that the deeper the pain I am in, the harder it is to reach out, even though I would likely be characterized as someone who “has it all together”. I couldn’t help but think about our friend and wondered if she might have described herself that way, too, not so long ago.
Many said they knew that she had been suffering recently and they expressed feelings of guilt and regret about not being more proactive and involved, but I’m not sure anyone could have predicted the ultimate outcome. We get so good at putting on a brave face and protecting others from our struggles and when we say “I’m fine” we want to be convincing enough for them to believe us. We may know we need help and yet, how do we find the courage to let our true vulnerability show in order to get it? Therein lies the paradox.
Hopefully, the rest of us will never know what it feels like to want to end our life but it makes me think about what we can do to make sure we never get to that point.
I know many people, including myself, who have occasionally fallen victim to the debilitating grip of hopelessness. We all know what it feels like to be in pain and to wonder how and when it will ever be resolved. In theory, we want to be happy and we will naturally look for ways to help us feel hopeful once again. But, for some, there is an even greater struggle and perhaps a tendency to indulge in what I have come to view as “emotional wastefulness”. There can be a seductive quality to certain negative emotions because they serve to validate distorted beliefs about ourselves and in turn, give us a feeling of security, not because they feel good, but because they feel familiar. The pain of these feelings is no longer a deterrent, because it also gives us an escape from accountability and an excuse to avoid taking on responsibility for anything but ourselves, and there is a great degree of relief in that, for sure.
However, this way of escaping accountability can become a habit and, whether we realize it or not, we find ourselves identifying with it. It becomes part of our story about “who we are” and we even find ourselves defending our right to be “sad”. The time we spend on these emotions becomes “wasted” because, even though these emotions may be cathartic at first, the concern lies in the reliance on them as an effective way to avoid moving forward. It is further enabled by others who, out of compassion, are inclined to put their needs and expectations of us on hold until we’re feeling better.
In truth, I think we may have another energy crisis on our hands but its one that our society has yet to become acquainted with. As human beings, we are only given so much emotional energy to expend at any given time and its amazing to me how so many of us spend so much time indulging our negative emotions and then wonder why there’s so little energy left for feeling good. We have become “ emotionally inefficient”, allowing ourselves to spend too much time processing our negative emotions and too little time looking toward that which gives us hope. It would serve us better to focus on things that inspire us, bring meaning to our lives and are just, plain FUN, thus investing our energy in a way that can only yield positive results.
Recently, my friend and I have been creating an “Adventure List” of things we want to do together because we realize how short life is and we want to “do it all”. An “adventure” is anything new and different that we want to experience and every time I have a free day or weekend, I mark my calendar and choose something from the list, depending on how much time there is or what is possible, given that day’s circumstances. So far, it has allowed me to learn new things, meet new people and has given me a sense of freedom and accomplishment, even from something as small as deciding to explore new neighbourhoods by sampling the coffee from independent cafes around the city once or twice a week.
There is so much I have yet to experience and, after last night, it hit home more than ever that if I want more of the good stuff, I have to spend less time lamenting the bad stuff, when it comes. “Carpe Diem”, as they say, because in reality, every day can be an adventure. It’s all in how you choose to look at it.
We have become a wasteful society. It is so easy for us to indulge ourselves in unnecessary things for the sake convenience, pleasure or merely distraction. We create or procure much more than we need and then discard the leftovers in favour of the next indulgence. We can’t seem to get enough of what we want and end up with too much of what we want to get rid of. Today, I realize that goes just as much for our emotions as it does for anything else.
Last night, I attended a wake for an old grade-school acquaintance who recently took her own life. Even though I did not know her very well, nor did I have any contact with her in the last 30 years, I was compelled to attend the wake and pay my respects, nonetheless. I’d be lying if I said that my decision didn’t have anything to do with the fact that she died by her own hand. I suppose I feel that there is something sacred about suicide that makes it more important than ever for me to acknowledge the life that was lived. It’s kind of like when our fallen soldiers are brought home from war and people from all over gather on the overpasses along the Highway of Heroes to say a final farewell. It doesn’t matter if you knew that soldier or not, you just have to be there. That’s the way I felt last night.
Whether it be Peace on earth or Peace within, there is woeful irony in the lives of those who knowingly make the ultimate sacrifice in their struggle to maintain it. What makes one of us choose to put his life on the line and fight for a cause while another ends her life because she feels she has no fight left in her?
As I think about the friend whom we honored last night, I recall the many conversations with those who knew her best, and it gave me a greater understanding of what kind of person she was. They described her as incredibly smart, talented and strong. Someone to emulate and look up to, even a kind of “mother figure”. Not exactly what you would expect to hear about someone who had taken her own life. It made think that they could just as easily have been describing me and, while I don’t feel there is any chance that I would ever commit suicide, I do recognize that the deeper the pain I am in, the harder it is to reach out, even though I would likely be characterized as someone who “has it all together”. I couldn’t help but think about our friend and wondered if she might have described herself that way, too, not so long ago.
Many said they knew that she had been suffering recently and they expressed feelings of guilt and regret about not being more proactive and involved, but I’m not sure anyone could have predicted the ultimate outcome. We get so good at putting on a brave face and protecting others from our struggles and when we say “I’m fine” we want to be convincing enough for them to believe us. We may know we need help and yet, how do we find the courage to let our true vulnerability show in order to get it? Therein lies the paradox.
Hopefully, the rest of us will never know what it feels like to want to end our life but it makes me think about what we can do to make sure we never get to that point.
I know many people, including myself, who have occasionally fallen victim to the debilitating grip of hopelessness. We all know what it feels like to be in pain and to wonder how and when it will ever be resolved. In theory, we want to be happy and we will naturally look for ways to help us feel hopeful once again. But, for some, there is an even greater struggle and perhaps a tendency to indulge in what I have come to view as “emotional wastefulness”. There can be a seductive quality to certain negative emotions because they serve to validate distorted beliefs about ourselves and in turn, give us a feeling of security, not because they feel good, but because they feel familiar. The pain of these feelings is no longer a deterrent, because it also gives us an escape from accountability and an excuse to avoid taking on responsibility for anything but ourselves, and there is a great degree of relief in that, for sure.
However, this way of escaping accountability can become a habit and, whether we realize it or not, we find ourselves identifying with it. It becomes part of our story about “who we are” and we even find ourselves defending our right to be “sad”. The time we spend on these emotions becomes “wasted” because, even though these emotions may be cathartic at first, the concern lies in the reliance on them as an effective way to avoid moving forward. It is further enabled by others who, out of compassion, are inclined to put their needs and expectations of us on hold until we’re feeling better.
In truth, I think we may have another energy crisis on our hands but its one that our society has yet to become acquainted with. As human beings, we are only given so much emotional energy to expend at any given time and its amazing to me how so many of us spend so much time indulging our negative emotions and then wonder why there’s so little energy left for feeling good. We have become “ emotionally inefficient”, allowing ourselves to spend too much time processing our negative emotions and too little time looking toward that which gives us hope. It would serve us better to focus on things that inspire us, bring meaning to our lives and are just, plain FUN, thus investing our energy in a way that can only yield positive results.
Recently, my friend and I have been creating an “Adventure List” of things we want to do together because we realize how short life is and we want to “do it all”. An “adventure” is anything new and different that we want to experience and every time I have a free day or weekend, I mark my calendar and choose something from the list, depending on how much time there is or what is possible, given that day’s circumstances. So far, it has allowed me to learn new things, meet new people and has given me a sense of freedom and accomplishment, even from something as small as deciding to explore new neighbourhoods by sampling the coffee from independent cafes around the city once or twice a week.
There is so much I have yet to experience and, after last night, it hit home more than ever that if I want more of the good stuff, I have to spend less time lamenting the bad stuff, when it comes. “Carpe Diem”, as they say, because in reality, every day can be an adventure. It’s all in how you choose to look at it.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Become a follower of t-volution
Now that you have read (and hopefully enjoyed) my posts, why not become a follower? I promise it will be fun and inspiring! Just use the "followers" gadget on the right side of this page to join. Here's welcoming you in advance!
My Sinai
Lately, I've been thinking about the story of Moses. He's a dude that seems to have been following me for quite a while, showing up in meditations, with his long, white beard and Hebrew robes looking just enough like Charlton Heston so that I would be sure not to mistake him for anyone else.
It's Easter Monday as I write this, and I'm all excited and nervous to be starting this new blog, but all I can concentrate on is the "Pokemon" theme. My nine year old son, Julean, is hanging off the end of my bed, bouncing up and down in rhythm to the music emanating from the blue Nintendo DS that has been glued to him for the past week and a half. My stomach is in knots. Why is it that, whenever I decide to do something that will fulfill a purpose in my life, there's always some other urgent or distracting item put in my face that can't be ignored?
I've created an atmosphere where my boys can feel that I am accessible 24/7, which is fantastic, but it makes it really difficult to get any privacy when I want to have an hour or two of uninterrupted time to focus on anything that requires solitude. It can really drive me crazy sometimes. I wonder if Moses ever felt that way.
As my son stomps back and forth across the floor in response to my requests for him to let me concentrate, I ask myself "What the hell is the lesson here?"
Back to Moses.
The other day, I had a real heavy insight about what significance Moses has for me, or as Oprah says, I had a "light-bulb moment". As a result, I think I finally understand why he has been showing up as a guide for all these years. To be honest, when I see him, I question it because I wonder "who the hell I am to be having Moses in my meditations, anyway"?
The insight happened when I was blow-drying my hair and thinking about my divorce. I was contemplating how amazed I am by how my ex's family has completely ex-communicated me. It being the Passover season, the story of Moses and the Jews being cast out of Egypt immediately came to mind and as I thought about it, the comparisons just came flooding through. Here's an excerpt of my journal entry for that day:
April 5, 2009
"I understand why Moses is guiding me because the story of Moses is very similar to my own. I have been cast out of my adopted family for reasons that I can only attempt to understand. And even though it is painful, it is a small price to pay for the deep understanding and freedom that has come on this journey of discovering who I really am. Even though it means relinquishing my rights to the "throne" and being an outcast among those people who took me in and whom I came to know as family, I have no choice but to realize that the only loyalty I can depend on is that which I have for myself and where I came from. I can no longer be ashamed of my heritage and the way I grew up. I must embrace and stand up for the parts of me that have been apologizing for all these years. Through discovering my value, regardless of my circumstances (then and now) I can lead by example and help others out of the bondage of their self-recrimination."
Since my separation and the other catalytic events of 2007, I felt for a long time as though I had disappeared, wandering alone in the desert, like Moses. I felt lost and forsaken and truly questioned my faith on all levels. I needed to shut down, in a way, and learn that I no longer am, or need to be, in control of the outcome of my life. Instead, I needed to learn to let the Universe take over and discover that when I can let go and trust the guidance I am given, I am always taken care of. Living in Love, keeping the bigger picture in mind and finding the lesson and the meaning of the difficult times are the only ways to get thought them.
So now, I feel like I'm (finally) climbing the mountain, my own version of Sinai, to hear the guidance that will get me through the long journey ahead. My people (friends, family, colleagues, clients) are wondering about me...where I have been for all this time and when I will be back to help them continue our journey together in search of a greater experience of peace, harmony, community, growth and trust.
I'll be back soon. Promise.
Yesterday, Julean and I saw Hannah Montana: The Movie. During the critical scene, when Miley, as Hannah, is giving a benefit concert to the Tennessee community where she grew up, she realizes that she cannot continue the deception (the secret that Hannah is actually Miley), especially to these people who she cares so much about, and reveals her true identity. She then sings a song that she wrote for them called "It's the Climb". As I listened, (and cried) I was reminded, yet again, of the synchronicity of the universe because the theme of the movie and the message of the song resonated so strongly with what I have been reflecting upon recently in my own life.
And the message is this:
Follow your dreams, remember where you came from and, no matter what you are faced with, keep on climbing. The view just gets better and better.
It's Easter Monday as I write this, and I'm all excited and nervous to be starting this new blog, but all I can concentrate on is the "Pokemon" theme. My nine year old son, Julean, is hanging off the end of my bed, bouncing up and down in rhythm to the music emanating from the blue Nintendo DS that has been glued to him for the past week and a half. My stomach is in knots. Why is it that, whenever I decide to do something that will fulfill a purpose in my life, there's always some other urgent or distracting item put in my face that can't be ignored?
I've created an atmosphere where my boys can feel that I am accessible 24/7, which is fantastic, but it makes it really difficult to get any privacy when I want to have an hour or two of uninterrupted time to focus on anything that requires solitude. It can really drive me crazy sometimes. I wonder if Moses ever felt that way.
As my son stomps back and forth across the floor in response to my requests for him to let me concentrate, I ask myself "What the hell is the lesson here?"
Back to Moses.
The other day, I had a real heavy insight about what significance Moses has for me, or as Oprah says, I had a "light-bulb moment". As a result, I think I finally understand why he has been showing up as a guide for all these years. To be honest, when I see him, I question it because I wonder "who the hell I am to be having Moses in my meditations, anyway"?
The insight happened when I was blow-drying my hair and thinking about my divorce. I was contemplating how amazed I am by how my ex's family has completely ex-communicated me. It being the Passover season, the story of Moses and the Jews being cast out of Egypt immediately came to mind and as I thought about it, the comparisons just came flooding through. Here's an excerpt of my journal entry for that day:
April 5, 2009
"I understand why Moses is guiding me because the story of Moses is very similar to my own. I have been cast out of my adopted family for reasons that I can only attempt to understand. And even though it is painful, it is a small price to pay for the deep understanding and freedom that has come on this journey of discovering who I really am. Even though it means relinquishing my rights to the "throne" and being an outcast among those people who took me in and whom I came to know as family, I have no choice but to realize that the only loyalty I can depend on is that which I have for myself and where I came from. I can no longer be ashamed of my heritage and the way I grew up. I must embrace and stand up for the parts of me that have been apologizing for all these years. Through discovering my value, regardless of my circumstances (then and now) I can lead by example and help others out of the bondage of their self-recrimination."
Since my separation and the other catalytic events of 2007, I felt for a long time as though I had disappeared, wandering alone in the desert, like Moses. I felt lost and forsaken and truly questioned my faith on all levels. I needed to shut down, in a way, and learn that I no longer am, or need to be, in control of the outcome of my life. Instead, I needed to learn to let the Universe take over and discover that when I can let go and trust the guidance I am given, I am always taken care of. Living in Love, keeping the bigger picture in mind and finding the lesson and the meaning of the difficult times are the only ways to get thought them.
So now, I feel like I'm (finally) climbing the mountain, my own version of Sinai, to hear the guidance that will get me through the long journey ahead. My people (friends, family, colleagues, clients) are wondering about me...where I have been for all this time and when I will be back to help them continue our journey together in search of a greater experience of peace, harmony, community, growth and trust.
I'll be back soon. Promise.
Yesterday, Julean and I saw Hannah Montana: The Movie. During the critical scene, when Miley, as Hannah, is giving a benefit concert to the Tennessee community where she grew up, she realizes that she cannot continue the deception (the secret that Hannah is actually Miley), especially to these people who she cares so much about, and reveals her true identity. She then sings a song that she wrote for them called "It's the Climb". As I listened, (and cried) I was reminded, yet again, of the synchronicity of the universe because the theme of the movie and the message of the song resonated so strongly with what I have been reflecting upon recently in my own life.
And the message is this:
Follow your dreams, remember where you came from and, no matter what you are faced with, keep on climbing. The view just gets better and better.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Q & A from the Thornhill/Richmond Hill Post Article March/09
Post: How did you become interested in inspired living?
Tracy: That’s an interesting question. The truth is that I’ve always been a Seeker...of experiences, relationships, and what makes people tick. I’m a pleaser by nature and so I developed very keen skills for how to determine what others needed at a very early age. It was a way to manage my environment and keep myself feeling safe. I felt that it was my job to “fix” everyone and everything. (It’s no wonder psychotherapy came so naturally to me). However, as I became more self-aware I began to realize that being focused on others’ needs and emotions had prevented me from finding out what makes ME tick. This, I believe, was the missing link between me and the peace and contentment I had been seeking. I didn’t really KNOW myself because I hadn’t really wanted to LOOK at myself for fear of what I would find. So I kept busy trying to live up to an unrealistic ideal of what my life SHOULD be, instead of really asking myself what I WANTED it to be.
I began living an Inspired Life about 12 years ago, after the death of my step father. That experience was a wake up call for me. Before that, I think I had been sleepwalking” through life, going through the motions based on old patterns, conditioning and unrealistic expectations of myself as a woman, wife, mother. After my Dad was gone, I realized over time that something was incomplete in my life and as I became more self aware, I saw that he had been a major motivator for many of the choices I had made, some of which did not reflect the deeper values that I held. When he was gone, I questioned if the life I had created was really working. With that awareness, I became committed to learning more about who I was and that journey has allowed me to get closer to myself, know my truth, forgive myself for all my flaws and thus, learn to really love and accept myself for the first time. I’m still a work in progress, but I now allow myself the freedom to be who I am and I try not to judge myself too harshly for the mistakes that I make, because with each mistake comes the blessing of wisdom and growth. I am now building a new foundation based on a sense of wholeness and a deeper understanding of my Self and my purpose in this world
Post: What is you educational background?
Tracy: After high school, I went to Ryerson for Business. I was headed for a career in the restaurant business (my step father was a well known Toronto restauranteur) but I changed directions to pursue a more stable career in marketing. I left that career when I got married and was a stay at home mom to my 3 boys for 10 years but, after my step father’s death, I felt I needed more. I enrolled in the Spiritual Psychotherapy Program at Transformational Arts College in Toronto (www.transformationalarts.com) and by the time classes had started, I was 3 months pregnant with my 4th boy! I then went on to do Advanced Studies in Dream Therapy, Past Lives, Homeopathy, Meditation and Energy Work. I have also been studying and teaching the principles of Law of Attraction (of The Secret fame) for more than a decade.
Post: What are you doing now?
Tracy: I am recently separated and am now embarking on a new Chapter in all areas of my life, including my professional work. I no longer operate Soul Spa as a Wellness Centre, but I still see private clients at the same location which is now known as Yonge & Wellness, 7756 Yonge Street, 2nd floor. I plan to expand my practice into the downtown area and I’m currently looking at a place in Carrot Common. My main focus, however, is to reach larger groups of people and help them discover their passion and purpose through my writing. seminars, workshops and events. I’m excited about further developing something I started under the Soul Spa umbrella called Club Sangha: Workshops and Events to Inspire Soulful Connections. The idea is to bring people together to socialize, discover and grow in meaningful and inspiring ways. We’ll be offering things like movie nights, retreats, personal growth workshops and seminars as well as opportunities for outreach in the community.
Part of what Club Sangha will introduce is a social support network for “newly single” adults called “Suddenly Solo”. This program will help to empower and uplift individuals during the often traumatic transition of divorce, or death of a spouse through networking, social events, support groups and self help seminars covering a range of topics from legal advice to how to hook up your computer. The focus will be to reinvent the experience of life after marriage and make it a powerful opportunity for transformation!
I’m also offering my signature Inspired Living program called “Project ME” where I mentor others on their personal journey of self discovery.
I am on the faculty of the Transformational Arts College.
Post: Any new, cutting edge services that you provide that I should know about? Please describe.
Great Question! Well, believe it or not, the MOST advanced and fool proof way I can suggest for truly Inspired Living is to be committed to finding our TRUTH. Now is the perfect time to connect to our deeper values and challenge our beliefs to find the real truth that lies beneath, because the world as we know it is changing before our eyes! From the environment, to the economy, everything is upside down and in turmoil and NOW is the time to clean house and build new foundations based on truth, rather than fantasy and love rather than fear. I strongly believe that the state the world is in right now is our greatest blessing because it is full of nothing but opportunity to creat the new world! That is the most revolutionary thing I can think of!
In terms of the services that I provide in relation to the above, all of my work is based on my own life experience, and I believe that I serve others best when I live and learn from my own Inspired Life! I incorporate all the insight and wisdom that I gain from my experiences into everything I do and try to lead my clients, and those I come into contact with, through my example. I think the best thing I can say about that is that I am far from perfect, and so I have learned the importance of practicing compassion for myself as well as others.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Tracy on iPhone
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http://ca.toolbar.yahoo.com.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Hallelujah Lyrics (Leonard Cohen)
Since my son's band, The Weathermaking Challenge, played this song for me by request last weekend, I seem to hear it everywhere (the Jeff Buckley version is in the movie "feast of love") and it rings in my head constantly.
I searched for the complete lyrics (there are 15 verses) and what I found, I felt needed to be anchored here...
Leonard Cohen - Hallelujah Lyrics
Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew her
She tied you To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah
You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah
I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
Well, baby, I've been here before.
I've seen this room, and I've walked this floor.
I used to live alone before I knew you.
But I've seen your flag on the marble arch,
And love is not a victory march,
It's a cold and it is a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah
Well, there was a time when you'd let me know
What's really going on below,But now you never show that to me, do you?
But remember when I moved in you,
And the Holy Ghost was moving too,
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah
Well, maybe there is a God above,
But all that I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you.
It's not a cry that you hear at night,
And it is not somebody who has seen the light
It's a cold and it is a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah
I searched for the complete lyrics (there are 15 verses) and what I found, I felt needed to be anchored here...
Leonard Cohen - Hallelujah Lyrics
Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew her
She tied you To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah
You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah
I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
Well, baby, I've been here before.
I've seen this room, and I've walked this floor.
I used to live alone before I knew you.
But I've seen your flag on the marble arch,
And love is not a victory march,
It's a cold and it is a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah
Well, there was a time when you'd let me know
What's really going on below,But now you never show that to me, do you?
But remember when I moved in you,
And the Holy Ghost was moving too,
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah
Well, maybe there is a God above,
But all that I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you.
It's not a cry that you hear at night,
And it is not somebody who has seen the light
It's a cold and it is a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah
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