Today's Miracle

Today’s Miracle

November 22, 2011

Today my client, after a session where she seemed quite distracted, told me, with tears in her eyes, that my mother had been in the session with us the entire time and she did not know whether she could/should tell me or not.  She said my mother’s energy was very strong and she was very loud, asking my client over and over to please tell me that she was here and that she is sorry. She also asked her to tell me that “they” are always with me.

It will be the 8th anniversary of my mom’s death this weekend.

I am sitting here in my office now, feeling sort of numb.  I know what I think this means and yet I’m not really sure what to think.  The message was so simple and so I feel there must be more.  But, even though “I am sorry” is a simple statement, it is also loaded with opportunities for interpretation.  Is she sorry for the part she played in the issues I have been facing these past weeks? Or is it something more complex than that? And, if there is more to this message, maybe the understanding of what it means is yet to come.  And maybe this is simply just another confirmation that I am in the right place, for now.  Things lining up.  Channels opening. Or maybe there is an urgency for this message to be heard now.  Certainly my mom could have come into any previous session with this client, as I have been seeing her for several years now. I don’t know for sure, but what I do know is that it happened for a reason.

After my client left, I stood in my office and tried to feel my mother’s energy, but I couldn’t.  I looked around to see if something caught my attention - a sign or a symbol or an intuitive sense about something I could do to connect, but nothing did. I spoke out loud to my mother asking for clarity about this message, but there was none.

It was just a gift in that moment, to be used as I see fit, I guess.

There have been so many remarkable occurrences since 11/11/11 that I am convinced that the gateway I passed through in my meditation at 11:11 on 11/11/11 really did lead me to a new vibration.  I’m not the same person I was 11 days ago. I’m not making the same choices or telling the same story. And yes, crazy as it sounds, it was precisely 11 days from the time of my meditation at 11:11 on 11/11/11 to the time my client shared this information with me, sometime after 11:00 on 11/22/11.

If the one thing I have been asking the universe to help me with is to let go of my resistance, perhaps these occurrences are the evidence that this process is underway.  If I am finally allowing myself to break through the barriers that have held me apart from my true “self”, then all of these things make sense. I am finding the courage to set limits and break old cycles. I have experienced the power and the ecstasy of opening my heart and releasing all that I have been holding on to. I am literally finding my voice and I’m able to listen and enjoy what I hear. I am able to recognize that the answers to the questions I seek are within me. I can accept that my “self” can remain present and need not disappear based on the feelings, the needs or the decisions of another. And I have been given a message from my mother that I never even imagined I needed to hear.  

And, just like that, gratitude and forgiveness have replaced fear and doubt.

If that isn’t a miracle, I’m not sure what is.

"Solo" doesn't have to mean "Alone"

SUDDENLY SOLO: A NETWORK OF NEWLY INDEPENDENT WOMEN

I know what it's like to live through a very traumatic divorce.  During that time in my life, it became painfully clear to me that the support and resources available to women and their children are very hard to find and, even then, they lack the understanding and compassion that can only come from those who have gone through it themselves. I often felt alone, inadequate and, at times, unable to trust my own judgement. I desperately needed a support network that went beyond that of my well-meaning family and whatever friends I had that weren't too uncomfortable to talk to me. I knew very few people who could relate to what I was going through. I needed emotional, mental, physical, financial, legal and even spiritual support and yet I was too overwhelmed to find out how and where to get it.

Living through Separation and Divorce can feel as if you are on a runaway train that will take you to places you never imagined, nor ever intended to go. That is why I created Suddenly Solo, because I believe that women need a place where they can get the help they need, regain control of the process and, more importantly, their lives. Being newly independent can be a scary feeling, but Suddenly Solo offers women and their children a comforting and empowering alternative with unique social networking and events, emotional support from professionals and peers and practical support and guidance in the form of workshops, lectures,and resources.

Separation & Divorce Counselling

Navigating through the upheaval of a divorce is overwhelming at the best of times and, more often than not, we can find ourselves sucked into an emotional, mental, physical, financial and even spiritual abyss.
Without proper support or a framework of values to work within, before you know it, the process can take on a life of its own and you can find yourself feeling as if you are no longer in control of your life and its outcome. Regardless of the circumstances, this is one of the most painful and difficult experiences you and your family will ever endure and, no matter how strong you are, you will need a steady supply of ongoing support and encouragement.  Family and friends are well meaning, but they often lack the skills necessary to assist us effectively and, real or imagined, we can find ourselves feeling alienated from those we once relied on and for reasons that seem unfair or inexplicable.  That is why it is most important to seek help as soon as, and, if possible, even before you have made the decision to separate.  A compassionate therapist with experience in separation and divorce is an invaluable partner in helping you develop your vision for the future and stay true to your values and principles along the way.  In addition, if you are planning to or have already entered into the legal system, this can add even more complex issues and decisions into the mix. Even the most compassionate and experienced legal professional is not a skilled therapist and entering into the legal process too early or without adequate information or emotional support can be a painful, slow, expensive and often unnecessary way to learn how the system works and what your options are.

The service I offer to indivuals, couples and families is multi-faceted in its approach.  My greatest wish is that I meet you early enough in the process so that I can assist you in examining all of your options in a clear and honest way. Leaving a relationship or a marriage is a decision that is often influenced by hidden factors as well as obvious ones, and I feel it is crucial to have as much information as possible and to understand that this decision will effect the rest of your life in ways that you might not have considered.

In the event that a separation is unavoidable, I will then help you and, if possible, your spouse, get a very real picture of what to expect.  Together, we will identify your goals and create a vision based on your individual and collective needs, values and priorities. We will address the emotional and practical issues associated with your unique set of circumstances and design a framework that will address all relevant issues such as creating and adjusting to new relationship boundaries, expectations, financial concerns, living arrangements, how/when to tell the kids and others, co-parenting arrangements, property, friends and family, choosing a legal process and more.

It is my belief that, with ongoing emotional support and a rational, disciplined and value-oriented approach to separation and divorce, couples and families can dramatically reduce the duration and long term effects of this traumatic experience.

Fear

    “I’m so afraid. Please, god help me.  I fear I’ve made some terrible mistakes and     that I am somehow heading for a disaster of huge proportions.”

Believe it or not, these are the first few lines of a recent journal entry of mine. When I wrote this, I was battling an episode of fear that was so crippling, I could not go 5 minutes without feeling intense panic and a sense of doom. Given my reputation for optimism and my ability to find learning in every challenging experience, many might find it hard to believe that I would be capable of going to such a dark place. Thankfully, I can recall only a few times that I have felt like that in my life, but nevertheless, under certain circumstances I have found myself in the grip of a fear so unbearable, it made me question my worth, my choices and everything I believe in.

If I were to explain how I got to that place, I would have to say that it seems to be set off when I perceive that there is some threat to my ability to meet the basic human needs of my family (food, shelter, etc.). This must be a very deep core issue for me because, In almost any other situation, I am a pillar of strength and yet when this issue is triggered, I somehow develop an irrational fear-based thought process around it.

If you have ever felt this kind of fear, and I’m guessing most of us have at some point in our lives, it is important to understand that, even though we do not want to encourage fearful thoughts, we must also recognize that when these “dark nights of the soul” do happen, they are a necessary part of our process of self discovery.  In my case, even though I felt quite powerless at the time, there was still a part of me that was able to view myself and my thoughts objectively and try to assess what was going on for me emotionally.  But I was still caught in a “thought loop” because there were very real circumstances that needed to be dealt with and I had no idea how to fix the problem.  Every time I succeeded in distracting myself from the negative thoughts, the reality of the situation would become obvious, once again, and I was sucked back into the pit of desperation.

 Over two weeks passed before I was finally able to regain my power and change my thoughts, but my rational mind was reminding me all along that the more I allowed myself to indulge the fearful thoughts, the more I was reinforcing them and giving them power.  I knew I was attracting more of what I did not want, and because I was able to recognize this, it gave me the strength I needed to keep trying over and over to reject the fearful thoughts and eventually come up with a plan to banish them entirely. And this is really the key here.  The reality of the situation has not changed but my perception of it has.  I can now think the same thoughts that would have made me panic a week ago and still feel calm and in control.

It is remarkable. I would even say it’s a miracle!

     “Please help me. I need a miracle. Show me the way. Tell me what to do and I’ll     do it. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t     want to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to be in the dark anymore. Please help     me find the light and stay there”


So, what changed?

Well, first, I wrote that journal entry which ended up consisting of over 2,000 words by the time I was done.  That was on a morning when I woke up and the panic started the moment I opened my eyes.  I knew I could not get through the day unless I did something and the only thing I could think of was to write.  I was hoping it would purge the feelings and make me cry. I needed to cry so badly but I had not been able to for weeks.

    “I wish I could cry and unlock all of this terror, but I can only seem to manage a     few stray tears that leak out. What I feel inside is like a dam that is ready to burst,     but its so strong and immoveable right now. Maybe, on some level, I worry that if     I let it go, I’ll completely fall apart.”

As I wrote, I allowed myself to verbalize all the most horrible thoughts that had been going through my head. I blamed and berated myself for every choice I had ever made.  I told myself that I was being punished for all my mistakes and I called myself every bad name in the book. Reading it over now, I realize that I had to get out in the open all the secret things that I blamed myself for and had never really acknowledged. It all seems ridiculous now, but when I was in the darkness, I really believed it.

Then, I questioned how I could have made such mistakes, been so foolish, stupid, selfish etc. I questioned my motives and my beliefs and where they had got me.  And next came the apologies. I said sorry to everyone for every thing I had ever done. After that, I began to ask what I could do to make it right again and realized that I had to forgive myself before I could move on.

By then, I had become calmer and it was then that I began to make statements about what I  needed and wanted. I asked to feel better, for answers, miracles, understanding and growth. I asked for help.

When I was finished writing, I meditated for the first time in months.

That afternoon and the morning that followed, each of my two best friends visited me. We shared our pain and we wept together. I felt more honest and deeply connected to each of them than I have in over 35 years of friendship.  I had been “broken open” and it allowed me to embrace our friendship and be present on an entirely new level. I was reminded of how we are all living through our own versions of hell at some time or another and that our suffering can take up so much of our precious time and energy if we let it. I felt such gratitude and compassion for them and for myself.  I felt whole again.

Since then, I have continued to meditate every day. The problems I am facing are still there, but now they seem manageable. I am organized and productive again and I have regained my trademark Optimism (thank god!)

As horrible as it was to live through, I’m grateful for the experience. I feel stronger now and I have learned more about myself in the process.  I realize that there is a deep psychological connection between my new role as a single parent and my experience growing up as the child of a struggling single mother and the learning continues...

This week's Inspired Living Post

For my new Inspired Living segment on Newstalk 1010's Buddha Lounge Show, it occurs to me that I have created a whole new job description for myself:

Look for everything that’s good in the world.
Talk about it.
Write about it.
Teach others to do the same.

What could be better than that???

This is the first in a regular series of articles I will be publishing which focuses on "Real People Living Inspired Lives". I will share with you some of the truly Inspiring People, Places, Events & Stories that I encounter in my everyday life and I will also be encouraging you - the audience - to email me or the show and let us know who or what YOU think is SO Inspiring so I can follow up on it and perhaps include it in an article or on the show. Go to www.thebuddhaloungeshow.com to share your experience.

Regardless, I hope you will check in with this blog or the show for your regular dose of Inspiration.

Synchronicities and Benevolence

It happened on Good Friday. A beautiful, warm, sunny day. Thinking all the stores would be closed, I donned a pair of old flip flops and ventured out to do some window shopping and grab a coffee.  To my delight, many of the stores were open and Yonge Street was alive with people. With every step, I became more appreciative of this glorious day. 

At one point, I stopped into Chocky’s to find some socks and underwear for my boys.  As I meandered about the store, the sales clerk was extremely helpful and we chatted as she assisted me. Then, a woman and her two daughters came in and I overheard her asking if they had any flip flops for sale. This caught my attention because mine were in pretty rough shape and I had thought about getting a new pair.  The sales clerk said she did not have any flip flops and the woman went on to say that her boots had given her blisters and that’s why she needed the flip flops. I laughed to myself, thinking about how amazing it was that this random event revealed two synchronicities.  First, it was just this morning that I had thought about throwing out my flip flops and second, it was only the day before that I had been speaking to one of my kids and recalled with affection how, in my younger years, I often preferred to walk on the city streets in my bare feet. It just seemed so obvious to me. I should offer my flip flops to her.

The woman was very appreciative of my offer, but was not about to take the “shoes off my feet”.  Of course, I completely understood, however it would have made me very happy if she had taken me up on it.  Nevertheless, we struck up a conversation and it wasn’t long before yet another synchronicity was revealed. 

We discovered that the woman and her daughters knew my son, Ryan, but that was no real surprise. Ryan knows everyone. What really gave me goose bumps was when they told me that Ryan had become a hero of sorts when, after a party one night, he was in a fast food restaurant and saw one of the local thugs trying to sell a stolen cellphone.  Ryan recognized that the phone belonged to his friend (one of the daughters at Chocky’s) and, knowing how upset she had been by the incident, he decided to buy it back for her. Needless to say, I was very proud to hear that Ryan had performed such a benevolent act but even this did not really surprise me.  Ryan has always been that kind of person and while I would certainly put Ryan’s good deed and general good nature high on my list of things that Inspire me, on this day, there was another simple, unexpected bonus which made my heart sing. 

The woman, her daughters and I chatted a while longer, and made plans to keep in touch. They left the store and I went to the counter to pay for my items. The sales clerk, who had overheard our conversation, smiled and asked me “Are any of these things for Ryan?” “Yes”, I said. “As a matter of fact, they are!” “Well, then”, she said,  “I think both of you deserve a discount.  You, for offering the shoes off your feet, and Ryan for getting that girl’s phone back.”

I have to say that I was practically speechless.  This sales clerk really had not investment in what she overheard, and yet she felt inspired enough to make the gesture.  I don’t know if she was the owner or an employee, so I hope she doesn’t get in any trouble for giving the discount on that basis.  Rather, I’d like to add Chocky’s to the “Inspired Living Friends Network” and encourage everyone I know to shop there.

Thanks to Chockys (2584 Yonge St, Toronto), Marsha & Co, and Ryan.

Clarity

Just came across this today. It's from May 7, 2009 but was never posted.  Must be a good reason for that.

CLARITY

Funny, how breakthroughs often happen without warning.  There we are, living our lives, struggling with the difficulties that are thrown in our path and begging the universe for a break in the drama.  Sometimes it seems as though there will never be a resolution to our problems and we feel defeated, powerless and maybe even hopeless.  But then, one day sunny day in May, we find ourselves sitting across from our best friend who is going through challenges of her own and, as we try to help that friend gain clarity about her situation, we find ourselves blown away by our own wisdom.

That’s what happened to me today.  Twice.

Now, for those of you who know me, its not unusual for me to sit there spewing a monologue comprised of various anecdotes and personal insights, and this time was no different except that the ideas that I was expressing came through so strongly and clearly and with such energy and conviction that we both knew it was more than just me talking.  It was truth. 

But that, in and of itself, is not really so remarkable. We have all experienced moments of such absolute clarity that we wonder if we might be tapping into some greater sea of consciousness, right?  And I believe that we all have that power, whether or not we know it or believe it.  So, what was so interesting about today was that, as I spoke, it became evident to me that the level of clarity regarding my beliefs seems to have shifted suddenly.  Its as if I have reached a new level of understanding about (dare I say it) the meaning of life and, even though I haven’t felt very connected to my source recently, it seems that the spiritual work has continued behind the scenes without me even being aware of it.  I had been so distracted by my circumstances over the past two years that I had neglected my spiritual practice almost completely and for me, having served as a guide for others to stay connected to their spirit, I felt that I had not only let myself down, but that I had not been able to practice what I preached to others and that was very troublesome to me.  I kept wanting to regain my footing and waited for inspiration to return so I could have the focus to take action and feel as if I was in control of my life again, but the whirlwind that had taken over my life had its own agenda and it was all I could do to just hang in there until the storm blew over.  Throughout this process I did understand that there were significant lessons I was learning which had to do with trust, letting go, taking risks, relinquishing control, shattering old beliefs, discovering my truth etc... and the insights were abundant.  However, the chaos continued and so I questioned what it was I still needed to learn.  There was still a piece that I must have been missing.

Today, the skies cleared and I realized what that piece was.  That piece is called Surrender.
I’m beginning to think that the gift humans cherish so dearly is actually the one thing that prevents us from finding the peace and deeper understanding the we all strive for.  What gift is that, you ask? 

FREE WILL

I’m going to let that marinate for a while.

Inspired Living Segment to Launch on Newstalk 1010's Buddha Lounge Show, hosted by none other than "Yours Truly"!

I'm happy to announce that I will be joining host Natasha Dern on Newstalk 1010's Buddha Lounge Show for a regular segment called "Inspired Living with Tracy Richards".

The focus of the segment will be "Real People Living Inspired Lives" where I will share with our listeners some of the truly Inspiring People, Places, Events & Stories that I encounter in my everyday life. I will also be encouraging our listeners to email us and let us know who or what YOU think is SO Inspiring that we should include it on our show.
   
I was Inspired to do this segment because of my passion to help others discover that we have the power to create a better life.  So much is going on on the planet and in our world and so many of us are experiencing a great deal of upheaval.  We may feel overwhelmed by what is NOT going right, which creates more of the same, so I thought that, instead, we need encouragement to look for what is GOOD about our world!

So, I'm inviting everyone to tune in and listen to our first two segments on Sundays, beginning April 25th 1-2 pm & May 2nd 1-2 pm. The Buddha Lounge also airs a rebroadcast the following Saturdays @ 8-9 pm, so don't miss it!

Please direct comments or questions about the show to:
Tracy Richards
c/o the Buddha Lounge Show
Newstalk 1010
info@thebuddhaloungeshow.com