I really should have been adding to this blog regularly because now the task of expressing all that has happened since my last entry seems daunting.
I began to write about my "cottage epiphany", which I had referred to in my Soul Spa newsletter, and somehow it never got finished..its an important piece to share, and still very relevant, but it happened in August! And boy, do I live in the MOMENT these days! So, I need to talk about TODAY, while its STILL today.
Today. The Full Moon. The Harvest Moon. I should have known it was creeping up on me. Every day over the past few weeks has been charged with emotion, movement, and a certainty that everything I was experiencing, no matter how difficult, was absolute perfection.
Since the Spring, and my series of health and personal issues, the main themes of my life have been as follows:
- Re-connections: I have re-connected with old friends and with old parts of myself, which I had disowned out of shame and a deep belief that I had to "re-invent" myself, over and over again in order to belong.
- Detachment: My recent experiences caused me to re-evaluate many of my "attachments" with people, things, ideas & behaviours. This evolved into me moving away from the things that did not serve me and which kept me from realizing my full potential.
- Self Love/Acceptance: A MIND BLOWING epiphany that "I am WORTHY", "I am GOOD", "I am NORMAL" - precipitated by a casual conversation, the wisdom about a certain long-standing issue became clear and then everything was suddenly OK!
- Truth/Honesty/Integrity: This one has been evolving over my entire lifetime but in one area, full disclosure seemed to be too great a risk..until I realized that I had been recently committed to taking risks all over the place, with astounding rewards and yet I had avoided the one area that could change my life more profoundly than I could even imagine. I knew then that in order to allow the Universe to show me what gifts it could bestow, I had to give it a chance and trust that would support and accept me. I was not disappointed.
- Trust: I'm getting REALLY good at this and yet, the Universe has thrown me yet another exercise to further tone my "trust muscles". (This is where the blog entry "Adrift" comes from.) I realize that my only choice now is to surrender completely to the divine will and trust the process so unconditionally that I know I will be taken care of and that what is meant to be will be.... For me, this is another monumental challenge, as I have relied on my ability to control situations for as long as I can remember. I was born "in charge" of everything and everyone, or so it seemed. Everyone looked to me for guidance, direction, ideas, support...I have virtually built my life around this "truth" and yet, I know now with every fibre of my being that the bigger lesson now is - "Let Go and Let it Flow".
I'm ready - I really am. I feel as if I'm blindfolded, but I have other senses to rely on which will kick in when I need them - maybe its time to develop them further - like when I severed the tendon on my right hand and was in a post-surgical cast for a month. Part of the blessing in that was that I learned to do things with my left hand, which served to awaken the non-dominant side of my brain. I noticed profound differences during that time and I still try to use my left hand when I can remember to do so. So, even though I'm in the dark at the moment, maybe I shouldn't be trying to peek past the blindfold at all - maybe its...wait for it.... IN-sight ...that I really need. I know its corny, but its profound, isn't it?
I'll find a way to navigate through this and I'll keep the "Happy Plan" in play, making sure that whatever I do, I will do with the full expectation that I will be happy in the process (this is part of the "cottage epiphany", that I haven't finished writing about yet).
I will expect that miracles will happen moment by moment and day by day, because I have evidence that they have been all along and I no longer doubt it for a second.
And I will immerse myself in the depths of my inner self, and swim around, discovering more buried treasure, which I will bring to the surface and integrate into the structure of my already beautifully jewelled looking glass, so that when I gaze at my reflection, I will be reminded of my own beauty and magnificence.
And then one day, when I least expect it, there will be a sign, or a series of synchronicities, or an indisputable knowing, or what I call a "Tetris clunk" when you realize that something has finally fallen into place or MAYBE the answer will just "show up" in front of me...
...and THEN I'll know that the next phase is ready to begin...