Q & A from the Thornhill/Richmond Hill Post Article March/09

Post: How did you become interested in inspired living?

Tracy: That’s an interesting question. The truth is that I’ve always been a Seeker...of experiences, relationships, and what makes people tick. I’m a pleaser by nature and so I developed very keen skills for how to determine what others needed at a very early age. It was a way to manage my environment and keep myself feeling safe. I felt that it was my job to “fix” everyone and everything. (It’s no wonder psychotherapy came so naturally to me). However, as I became more self-aware I began to realize that being focused on others’ needs and emotions had prevented me from finding out what makes ME tick. This, I believe, was the missing link between me and the peace and contentment I had been seeking. I didn’t really KNOW myself because I hadn’t really wanted to LOOK at myself for fear of what I would find. So I kept busy trying to live up to an unrealistic ideal of what my life SHOULD be, instead of really asking myself what I WANTED it to be.

I began living an Inspired Life about 12 years ago, after the death of my step father. That experience was a wake up call for me. Before that, I think I had been sleepwalking” through life, going through the motions based on old patterns, conditioning and unrealistic expectations of myself as a woman, wife, mother. After my Dad was gone, I realized over time that something was incomplete in my life and as I became more self aware, I saw that he had been a major motivator for many of the choices I had made, some of which did not reflect the deeper values that I held. When he was gone, I questioned if the life I had created was really working. With that awareness, I became committed to learning more about who I was and that journey has allowed me to get closer to myself, know my truth, forgive myself for all my flaws and thus, learn to really love and accept myself for the first time. I’m still a work in progress, but I now allow myself the freedom to be who I am and I try not to judge myself too harshly for the mistakes that I make, because with each mistake comes the blessing of wisdom and growth. I am now building a new foundation based on a sense of wholeness and a deeper understanding of my Self and my purpose in this world

Post: What is you educational background?

Tracy: After high school, I went to Ryerson for Business. I was headed for a career in the restaurant business (my step father was a well known Toronto restauranteur) but I changed directions to pursue a more stable career in marketing. I left that career when I got married and was a stay at home mom to my 3 boys for 10 years but, after my step father’s death, I felt I needed more. I enrolled in the Spiritual Psychotherapy Program at Transformational Arts College in Toronto (www.transformationalarts.com) and by the time classes had started, I was 3 months pregnant with my 4th boy! I then went on to do Advanced Studies in Dream Therapy, Past Lives, Homeopathy, Meditation and Energy Work. I have also been studying and teaching the principles of Law of Attraction (of The Secret fame) for more than a decade.

Post: What are you doing now?

Tracy: I am recently separated and am now embarking on a new Chapter in all areas of my life, including my professional work. I no longer operate Soul Spa as a Wellness Centre, but I still see private clients at the same location which is now known as Yonge & Wellness, 7756 Yonge Street, 2nd floor. I plan to expand my practice into the downtown area and I’m currently looking at a place in Carrot Common. My main focus, however, is to reach larger groups of people and help them discover their passion and purpose through my writing. seminars, workshops and events. I’m excited about further developing something I started under the Soul Spa umbrella called Club Sangha: Workshops and Events to Inspire Soulful Connections. The idea is to bring people together to socialize, discover and grow in meaningful and inspiring ways. We’ll be offering things like movie nights, retreats, personal growth workshops and seminars as well as opportunities for outreach in the community.

Part of what Club Sangha will introduce is a social support network for “newly single” adults called “Suddenly Solo”. This program will help to empower and uplift individuals during the often traumatic transition of divorce, or death of a spouse through networking, social events, support groups and self help seminars covering a range of topics from legal advice to how to hook up your computer. The focus will be to reinvent the experience of life after marriage and make it a powerful opportunity for transformation!

I’m also offering my signature Inspired Living program called “Project ME” where I mentor others on their personal journey of self discovery.

I am on the faculty of the Transformational Arts College.

Post: Any new, cutting edge services that you provide that I should know about? Please describe.

Great Question! Well, believe it or not, the MOST advanced and fool proof way I can suggest for truly Inspired Living is to be committed to finding our TRUTH. Now is the perfect time to connect to our deeper values and challenge our beliefs to find the real truth that lies beneath, because the world as we know it is changing before our eyes! From the environment, to the economy, everything is upside down and in turmoil and NOW is the time to clean house and build new foundations based on truth, rather than fantasy and love rather than fear. I strongly believe that the state the world is in right now is our greatest blessing because it is full of nothing but opportunity to creat the new world! That is the most revolutionary thing I can think of!

In terms of the services that I provide in relation to the above, all of my work is based on my own life experience, and I believe that I serve others best when I live and learn from my own Inspired Life! I incorporate all the insight and wisdom that I gain from my experiences into everything I do and try to lead my clients, and those I come into contact with, through my example. I think the best thing I can say about that is that I am far from perfect, and so I have learned the importance of practicing compassion for myself as well as others.

My first mobile post!

Tracy on iPhone

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Tracy on iPhone

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Hallelujah Lyrics (Leonard Cohen)

Since my son's band, The Weathermaking Challenge, played this song for me by request last weekend, I seem to hear it everywhere (the Jeff Buckley version is in the movie "feast of love") and it rings in my head constantly.

I searched for the complete lyrics (there are 15 verses) and what I found, I felt needed to be anchored here...

Leonard Cohen - Hallelujah Lyrics

Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?

It goes like this The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew her

She tied you To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?

There's a blaze of light In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you

And even though It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Well, baby, I've been here before.
I've seen this room, and I've walked this floor.
I used to live alone before I knew you.

But I've seen your flag on the marble arch,
And love is not a victory march,
It's a cold and it is a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah

Well, there was a time when you'd let me know
What's really going on below,But now you never show that to me, do you?

But remember when I moved in you,
And the Holy Ghost was moving too,
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah

Well, maybe there is a God above,
But all that I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you.

It's not a cry that you hear at night,
And it is not somebody who has seen the light
It's a cold and it is a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah

Taking it to the next level...

Oh my goodness... What a universe!

I really should have been adding to this blog regularly because now the task of expressing all that has happened since my last entry seems daunting.

I began to write about my "cottage epiphany", which I had referred to in my Soul Spa newsletter, and somehow it never got finished..its an important piece to share, and still very relevant, but it happened in August! And boy, do I live in the MOMENT these days! So, I need to talk about TODAY, while its STILL today.

Today. The Full Moon. The Harvest Moon. I should have known it was creeping up on me. Every day over the past few weeks has been charged with emotion, movement, and a certainty that everything I was experiencing, no matter how difficult, was absolute perfection.

Since the Spring, and my series of health and personal issues, the main themes of my life have been as follows:

• Re-connections: I have re-connected with old friends and with old parts of myself, which I had disowned out of shame and a deep belief that I had to "re-invent" myself, over and over again in order to belong.
• Detachment: My recent experiences caused me to re-evaluate many of my "attachments" with people, things, ideas & behaviours. This evolved into me moving away from the things that did not serve me and which kept me from realizing my full potential.
• Self Love/Acceptance: A MIND BLOWING epiphany that "I am WORTHY", "I am GOOD", "I am NORMAL" - precipitated by a casual conversation, the wisdom about a certain long-standing issue became clear and then everything was suddenly OK!
• Truth/Honesty/Integrity: This one has been evolving over my entire lifetime but in one area, full disclosure seemed to be too great a risk..until I realized that I had been recently committed to taking risks all over the place, with astounding rewards and yet I had avoided the one area that could change my life more profoundly than I could even imagine. I knew then that in order to allow the Universe to show me what gifts it could bestow, I had to give it a chance and trust that would support and accept me. I was not disappointed.
• Trust: I'm getting REALLY good at this and yet, the Universe has thrown me yet another exercise to further tone my "trust muscles". (This is where the blog entry "Adrift" comes from.) I realize that my only choice now is to surrender completely to the divine will and trust the process so unconditionally that I know I will be taken care of and that what is meant to be will be.... For me, this is another monumental challenge, as I have relied on my ability to control situations for as long as I can remember. I was born "in charge" of everything and everyone, or so it seemed. Everyone looked to me for guidance, direction, ideas, support...I have virtually built my life around this "truth" and yet, I know now with every fibre of my being that the bigger lesson now is - "Let Go and Let it Flow".

I'm ready - I really am. I feel as if I'm blindfolded, but I have other senses to rely on which will kick in when I need them - maybe its time to develop them further - like when I severed the tendon on my right hand and was in a post-surgical cast for a month. Part of the blessing in that was that I learned to do things with my left hand, which served to awaken the non-dominant side of my brain. I noticed profound differences during that time and I still try to use my left hand when I can remember to do so. So, even though I'm in the dark at the moment, maybe I shouldn't be trying to peek past the blindfold at all - maybe its...wait for it.... IN-sight ...that I really need. I know its corny, but its profound, isn't it?

I'll find a way to navigate through this and I'll keep the "Happy Plan" in play, making sure that whatever I do, I will do with the full expectation that I will be happy in the process (this is part of the "cottage epiphany", that I haven't finished writing about yet).

I will expect that miracles will happen moment by moment and day by day, because I have evidence that they have been all along and I no longer doubt it for a second.

And I will immerse myself in the depths of my inner self, and swim around, discovering more buried treasure, which I will bring to the surface and integrate into the structure of my already beautifully jewelled looking glass, so that when I gaze at my reflection, I will be reminded of my own beauty and magnificence.

And then one day, when I least expect it, there will be a sign, or a series of synchronicities, or an indisputable knowing, or what I call a "Tetris clunk" when you realize that something has finally fallen into place or MAYBE the answer will just "show up" in front of me...

...and THEN I'll know that the next phase is ready to begin...

Adrift

Well, here I am.
Adrift.
Floating in the middle of the Sea.
I am alone
On a raft
No one here but me.
The anchor had been severed
Thank God
But now the Lifelines, too.
Even the Beacon's light is out
What am I to do?
The Moon is Full tonight
It Illuminates the air.
Still, no compass and alone
Edging toward despair.

Until the answer emerges
It has encircled me
Under the water
All this time
Like a shark
Waiting for me to
Surrender
Relinquish all control
TRUST

It rises up
Takes me down
To explore
Some more
So when it's time
I'll be ready

In Crisis

Journal entry for July 8th, 2007

If I don't write, I'll die.

This is one of those days. One of those wretched days that is so unbearable to live through. Once of those days where I wish I could sleep right through till the pain goes away and the comfort of knowing how the bigger picture is being served by my suffering finally becomes palpable.

This process is both a blessing and a curse and one where the understandings often come at such a high price that it is difficult to draw my next breath. It causes me to go into such deep despair, down to that old, old place that I had forgotten was so wounded and real and excruciating. No wonder I shut away so many memories from the past. My god, who would want to live with the daily reminders of abandonment, judgement, worthlessness, and shame? How could any person function in this place? How will I function?

In this churning mess of emotion, all my illusions, my hopes and promises of happiness are being digested, all the savoury and the sweet, the spicy and the bitter morsels from life's banquet having been chewed up together and swallowed mindlessly in an effort to sustain me. My appetite was so great and my need so strong and I feasted enthusiastically. And now, here I am, waiting for this latest, most delicious indulgence to be stripped down and processed, for my soul to begin to assimilate what I need and for time and wisdom to eliminate the rest. The soul knows what to do. It's an involuntary process, brilliantly designed to serve us so that we may thrive and grow. Unfortunately, it's the body's job to deal with all the discomfort and the pain that comes with it.

Well, that was a nice metaphor, and it served to distract me for a while. But really, what am I going to do with this? How am I going to go about my daily business with this relentless aching that a river of tears cannot alleviate? (Believe me, I've tried) I'm in limbo and feel that I have no power to control the direction of my fate. The decision is in someone else's hands and, even though I trust implicitly that those are good hands (great hands) to be in, I wish I could exert some kind of influence on the outcome.

Its funny, really, how the tables seemed to turn so suddenly. One day I was leading the way, holding the lantern to illuminate the path before us, and the next day the tables got turned in what seemed like an instant and I find myself being taken gently by the hand and led by a new and fragile light, but one that gains more brilliance with every step we take together. I know I can trust it to take me where we need to go. There is so much love in that light, so much peace, so much integrity and so much power. I feel blessed that I have been chosen to walk this path. I ask only for the strength to hold onto my faith that it will lead us to the ultimate experience of Joy. God help me transcend these moments of doubt and despair and move me closer to the greater understanding of what the truth is.

I believed it when I said that I now feel it is impossible to really envision what the ultimate possibilities are. I commented that, to make a list, or to visualize what we want is useful, yet limiting. I do believe that we cannot know the magnitude of our potential at any given moment, because it continues to expand. The more we wish for and the more we learn to expect, the more the possibilities will continue to multiply. Our only downfall is that we get caught up in the limited perspective of what we think is possible, limiting the limitless, rather than trusting the infinite nature of the universe. We must stop fixating on the rules that we have been conditioned to believe exist in our reality. They come from our human need to control our environment, to stay safe in the circumstances that we have become familiar with (even when they limit us), and therefore stay small and unfulfilled. We are so afraid to even think outside the box and break the rules that society has built for us that we forget the history of why they were constructed in the first place - as a means to control the semi-evolved human nature in all of us.

Human beings are so unique in that regard. Animals need no rules. Every other species on the planet lives by instinct, rather than a set of laws and no form of intervention is ever necessary for them to thrive (unless it to fix what humans have damaged). Why then, can't we apply this simple and abundant wisdom to our own existence? Why have we been so insistent for so many millennia that we need to re-condition ourselves from the intuitive, instinctual beings that we are? Why do we complicate things so much?

I believe the answer lies within our process of evolution. For whatever reason, our species was chosen to evolve beyond that of our planetary co-habitants. Our soul evolution depends on what we choose to learn from the experience of being human, and therefore we are destined to create progressive scenarios in which to experience the fullness of ourselves. Because we come from Light, it stands to reason that many of the experiences we choose, as humans, will be in contrast to that which we already know. Since the beginning of time, we have been given challenges, both great and small, individually and collectively that serve to assist us in our personal, social and spiritual development. If we look at the origin of our species, we have to marvel at how far we have come in such a short time, relative to the age of our planet. It is important to recognize that at this point in our evolution, (especially in the year 2007) we are preparing to take a quantum leap forward, advancing at a rate that is equivalent to all that we have accomplished over the last century, but in just a few years.

Given this perspective, I believe we have no other choice - no - we have an urgent responsibility - to examine all of our beliefs and judgements about what is expected of us as individuals and discard anything that will prevent us from realizing our fullest potential. The rules have got to be broken in order for us to move forward. We have to understand that those rules don't work for us anymore, just as many of the rules our ancestors lived by only centuries ago had to be abandoned in order for us to achieve a greater sense of freedom and empowerment. We understand, in most parts of the world, that any kind of slavery or segregation only serves to dis-empower us all and yet, we still draw imaginary lines all over the planet to separate us into groups, belief systems and families designed only to enslave us, control us and, in turn, keep us from remembering the only thing that our soul really needs - universal love. We create wars, laws and systems to protect those lines and then we wonder why there is still so much suffering in the world and why most of us are still so lost and unaware of who we really are and what we are capable of.

I no longer believe that we are meant to break off into small groups that separate us from one another. We are meant to live together, free from the restrictions imposed by our perceived need to protect our assets. After all, this is precisely where the concept of what we now know to be the family unit came from. Originally, human beings lived in tribal communities in which all members worked together to sustain the group. There was no need to define 'who belonged to whom". Later on, as people evolved and began to collect more 'stuff" the concept of "ownership" came into play. Things became unbalanced, as some individuals continued to collect more and more in an effort to become more powerful over the others. The more they had, the more they wanted to be sure that their biological heirs would inherit their fortunes, and eventually found a way for their women to be prevented from producing offspring from any other union, and thus the "family" was born. What originated as an enslavement has evolved into a global acceptance that I believe goes against our inherent nature to love and share freely.

Over the last century, we have had many insights as to what steps need to be taken in order to live peacefully and harmoniously on our planet. For many, the utopian ideal of communal living has always seemed to be the answer, and I tend to agree with that notion. And it makes me wonder why this style of living is rarely embraced in modern society. I think the answer may be that we are still looking outside ourselves for a place or scenario that would offer us everything that our hearts desire. Perhaps the missing link is that we should no longer need to feel that we have to rely on others for our ultimate survival. Perhaps we must learn to understand that we have all the power we need to create our own inner world of peace and harmony, and that living in the company of others who are harmonious with our ideals will only be possible once we have found it in ourselves.
I want to suggest that the evolution of our species does not depend on how we can come together, make peace and save the world. It depends on each of us looking into our own truth, our darkness and our light, embracing the lessons learned and yet loving ourselves enough to seek freedom from the bondage of our fears, which only serve to limit us from becoming the greatest possible version of ourselves. When we can finally accept that we deserve to have all our greatest dreams come true and then have the courage to take the steps to set the wheels in motion, all resistance falls away and the universe will conspire on our behalf to facilitate the manifestation of our desires - easily, effortlessly and full of grace. All the barriers will disappear, the conflicts will dissolve and we will realize that we are all alchemists, with the power to transmute energy and experience, like turning lead into gold.

I have been given many opportunities recently to examine my own life and how I fit into the larger picture of the world and to those around me. My sense of belonging has been something I have been acutely aware of for my entire life. I continually ask myself: Where do I fit in? What is my role? How do I impact others? Who will love and accept me for who I really am?

I have been searching for the place where I belong for so long, that I began struggling to belong to anything that felt safe and familiar. I became determined to convince myself that I would be happy as long as I stayed in one place, abiding by one, widely accepted and conventional set of rules.

But since I began my journey of self-discovery, I have come to understand that the greatest gift I can give to myself is to BE myself, ACCEPT myself and LOVE myself and that the only responsibility I have is to BELONG to MYSELF. The more I practice this, the more I experience it in return and the evidence that I am on the right path becomes overwhelming. I am delivered newer, better feeling and expansive opportunities for giving and receiving love and acceptance, and I have NEVER felt so LOVED as I do today.

And now, here is the important part: All this did not come without my willingness, my effort and my ultimate surrender to risk losing what I told myself was all I needed and what I believed was all I deserved. Had I continued to follow the rules that I had enslaved myself with, such as a need to be what others wanted me to be or to 'do the right thing", I never would have had the chance to experience some of the most fulfilling moments of my life. Moments that, were I to draw my last breath a moment from now, I could honestly say made my life more complete than I had ever thought possible. I will celebrate these moments for the rest of my life and I will hold them as a testament to what each of us can have if we only have the courage to dwell in the possibility.

I feel better now,

Thank You